Death of a Spouse

Memories of Flowers on a Rainy Day

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

The smell of rain humidified the air. I hit snooze twice, three times. I’m convinced rain in Los Angeles should be considered a snow day, a break from routine, from working hard, a day to stay under the blankets. Even Gladys didn’t want to undo the tight ball of her sleeping body. Contemplating a fourth snooze, I heard a knock on the door. Doubtful it was my house, I rolled over. Another knock disturbed the chilled room. What the hell do the neighbors want at 8 a.m.? I dragged myself out from the depths of my comforter and headed to […]

Death of a Child

Wake Me Up When September Ends

Monday, August 29, 2011

In a few short days, the month of September will be upon us.  As I type these words, I can physically feel my stomach flip-flopping and a knot beginning to form.  What’s wrong with September?  Technically … nothing. I do enjoy the last days of summer and the soon-to-be fall weather. But my oldest daughter’s birthday and the day she died are both in the month of September.  September brings up so many memories, both the good and the painful. On September 12, my Elizabeth would have been 28 years old.  What would she be doing with her life? I so often […]

Death of a Child

Deceased Grandchild Sends Dragonflies to Grandma

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Synchronicity is far more than a rock album. It is the term coined by Carl Jung, a Swiss psychotherapist, to describe the phenomenon in which events are connected in such a meaningful way that their occurrence seems to defy the calculations of probability. Part of my new normal since my granddaughter was born still is that I no longer believe in coincidence. I do, however, fervently embrace the concept of synchronicity. My earliest experience of synchronicity in this particular journey of bereavement, grief and transformation occurred while my daughter-in-law was in labor. It is only in retrospect that I am […]

Open to Hope

Embracing Grief Does Not Mean Rejecting Faith

Saturday, August 27, 2011

Prior to my fiancé Greg’s accident in March 2010, my walk with Christ included daily quiet time and prayer, weekly women’s bible study, weekly young adult’s small group, weekly church service, and I served in ministry as a greeter, prayer team member and as intern in our church in women’s ministry. My walk with Christ looks a lot different now. I feel so convicted about it because I know my walk should resemble how I lived prior to Greg’s accident because that’s what scripture teaches. However, a friend of many years shared with me that while she sees how and […]

Death of a Parent, Your Grief

We Never Said Goodbye

Friday, August 26, 2011

Towards the end of her life, my mom had a number of health issues. These included high blood pressure, diabetes, heart failure and eventually, dialysis. In the fall of 1999, her right leg began to turn black and blue. It was diagnosed that her heart was not strong enough to pump the blood to the lower extremity and thus caused the leg to discolor. To correct this, mom had surgery on her artery to increase the blood flow. She came through the operation fine. She was alert that afternoon and was able to converse.  The next day, the hospital staff […]

Death of a Parent

Sound and Silence Offer Solace

Thursday, August 25, 2011

  “Learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself and know that everything in this life has a purpose.” –          Elisabeth Kubler-Ross   I felt compelled to stroke his hair like he was my little boy. A young boy who was in honest pain with not one place left to turn. The crying spells were inconsolable. No words would do. Nothing could possibly be fair, kind or compassionately adequate. At this point, there was not much left for my father: body, fixes, time. All that remained were random attempts at comfort, and most importantly, Love. Once, musicians came […]

Death of a Child

Free Bird Incident: Deceased Son Gives Mom a Sign

Monday, August 22, 2011

A week or so after Danny passed, I was lying in bed, unable to bring myself to get up and get dressed.  My heart was heavy and I could think of no way to lighten it.  For lack of anything else to do, I opened my computer and began to look at the music that was listed in my iTunes library.  My eyes immediately locked on a song by the name of “Free Bird”. I had never listened to the song or had any interest in it before. It was included in a movie sound tract that I had previously […]

Open to Hope

Psalm 23 Creates Healing Connection

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Grief is the price we pay for love. —Queen Elizabeth II My best friend was dead. My faith was shattered. It was too much for me. I felt that I, too, was dying. I desperately needed a breakthrough—a sign, if you will, that she was safe. The thoughts of her being smashed against a mountain in her own private plane just had to be changed. It just had to be. I would wait seven months for such a healing connection. Let me walk you through the events that led up to the breakthrough. For nearly a decade, Jody and I […]

Your Grief

How to Respond to Grief and Loss

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Rabbi Harold Kushner, the author of When Bad Things Happen to Good People, wrote about his response to personal tragedy. His son, Aaron, experienced a premature aging disorder (progeria), and eventually died from this syndrome. The pain from the rabbi’s loss activated a crisis of faith. Kushner wrote his book for those “who have been hurt by life,” to assist them in finding a faith that provides reasonable answers to aid them in coping with their suffering. In his book, Kushner explores the random nature of life and how certain simplistic religious explanations for grief and loss left him feeling […]

Your Grief

Hospice Volunteer Never Felt ‘So Close to God’ Before

Friday, August 19, 2011

I don’t think there is anything more gratifying then working with hospice. A few years after my son’s death, I decided to sign up for the training sessions, which surprisingly many people after they lose a loved one. I had started to write about my son and felt that working with hospice would be a good fit for me with my experiences. I came to realize during the classes that it wasn’t so much my personal insight about loss but my humor that would help lift patients and caregivers.
 If someone is dying, why would they want some solemn person […]