I’m So Lost Without My Son

I lost my 20 year old son October 12, 2006 and I am so lost without him we did everything together .He was my best friend and my only child. The loss and desperation that I feel cannot be explained. There seems not to be any consoling or relief of the hole that I have in my heart. Bill was so happy his laughter and love of life was contagious, his smile lit a room. He never said a bad word about anyone or anything.My son now rests in the hands of Jesus, and lights the stars and moon at night. God must of needed a hero because he took my son. If anyone wants to share or help with this pain I will gladly listen. thankyou and God Bless Debbie Lee
Dear Debbie,

We are so very sorry for your loss. Losing a child is the hardest thing we ever have to deal with as parents and there is no quick fix for the grieving. The first anniversary of his death is always the hardest and we understand what you are going through right now. This is a time to be gentle with yourself.

It is important that you don?t have to walk the grief path alone and we encourage you to see if there is a Compassionate Friends Group in your area. Each member has lost a child and each grieves in his or her own way ? they know what you are experiencing. You can find them at http://www.compassionatefriends.org/? If groups are not for you, we recommend that you reach out to your family, church, and friends for support.? We have found that the load of grief is lighter when it is not carried alone.

We also invite you to listen on Thursday mornings to the radio show Healing the Grieving Heart? You can find information about it and a link to it on the first page of http://www.thegriefblog.com? You might also find a number of past shows that can give you help and comfort at http://thegriefblog.com/grief-grieving-death-of-a-child/

We have posted your letter on The Grief Blog because we know it can be of help to others who are also grieving the loss of a child.

Blessings,

Drs. Gloria and Heidi Horsley

The Open to Hope Community

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  • Marylyn says:

    Dear Debbie,

    I too lost my son age 24 last 10/04/06 in an auto accident. I know how you feel. This is so horrible.Sometimes I feel like I am going to loose it. I will never be the same. I cannot get Geoffrey out of my mind, nor do I want to. It doesn’t get easier. I attend Compassionate Friends meetings. You are with parents who lost children it is a warm atmosphere. You need not walk alone. Be gentle on yourself. I will pray for you.

  • Debbie S. says:

    I lost my only son to cancer last 01/12/06. He was 34 years old. He was my heart. I know how you feel. I think of him every minute that I am awake.I never knew that you could hurt so much. I will pray for you.

  • I am so sorry for your loss. I, too, lost my only child on July 22, 2006. She was 26 and was hiking in Colorado. She was hit by falling rocks and was killed instantly. She had so much potential…she was working on her PhD in mathematics. There is not one day that goes by that I don’t think about her and shed a tear. My heart will be forever broken. But our children would want us to go on and try to be happy again. It will be a different kind of happiness …and we will achieve that through our wonderful memories of our children. No, we will never stop missing them…they are a part of us. In losing them we lost a part of ourselves.But will continue to walk on..one step at a time. And we will hold each other up on our grief journey..and our children will be proud that we made it! I know they are there cheering us on! Please feel free to contact me if you wish. We walk the same path and I understand your pain. I have also lost everyone else in my life and am truly alone. So, know that I walk with you…holding your hand…and leading you along. There will be days when you will do the same for me. Peace be with you! Gentle hugs! Love, lana
    golembes@peoplepc.com

  • Debbie says:

    Debbie,

    I wish that I could say I don’t understand but I do as less than 2 months ago my precious 21 year old daughter was killed in an automobile accident. She was in Pharmacy school and was one of the brightest and most motivated people that I have ever met. Myself and eveyone in her entire family is devastated. I wonder each day if I will be able to get through the next one but the days have now turned into weeks so I guess I am making it. I too hide behind a smile because many do not understand the daily tears but they come for me just as surely has the sun sets or the moon rises. I wish you the same peace that I wish for myself. We are bonded together by the death of children. You are not alone. Please try to remember the good times that you shared with your son and know that he would want you to be happy. I know that my daughter would be so sad to see me suffering and unhappy. I do know that it is easier said than done. Thinking and praying for you.

  • ANGELA says:

    I AM SO SORRY FOR ALL THAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH. i TOO HAVE LOST MY 18 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER IN AN AUTO ACCIDENT 12 DAYS BEFORE HER 19TH BIRTHDAY.IT WILL BE 1 YEAR ONE DEC.13,2007.I DONT KNOW HOW TO KEEP IT TOGETHER AT TIMES.IT SEEMS LIKE JUST YESTERDAY WE WERE ON THE PHONR AND NOW SHE IS GONE.IF ONLY I COULD TURN BACK TIME. I MISS HER AND JUST WANT TO TELL HER ONE MORE TIME HOW MUCH SHE WAS/IS LOVED. HOW DO CONTINUE TO GO ON? I KNOW THAT I HAVE TO BUT I FEEL LIKE I AM JUST GOING THROUGH THE MOTIONS. I HOLD HER BRUSH AND SMELL HER CLOTHES I DONT EVER WANT TO FORGET WHAT SHE SMELLED LIKE. I PRAY FOR STRENGTH EVERY DAY AND I KNOW THAT GOD CARRIES US BUT WE ARE NOT SUPPOSE TO BURY OUR CHILDREN. THANK YOU FOR LISTENING/READING THIS. ANGELA

  • Lori says:

    I am sorry to here that I’m not alone, because this is the most pain anyone can go thru. I lost my son April 15, 2007 in a car accident, 2 days after his 27th birthday. There’s not one minute that goes by that I can believe my Chad is gone, there’s no break and there’s no going back, he’s just gone and forever is a long time. What hurts the most is I wonder, does he know he’s gone? Why did he have to go out with so much violence? I just don’t understand? I pray for all of you.

  • Insuk james says:

    It is Sunday,my best friend,precious only son,Dusty gone on feb.4th 07.I am absolutely lost without him.He was only 20 years old.He was a bright light for me in the difficult road. Ever since he got structed by deadly desease on 2001,I have been holding this fragule candle light so tightly so Iwon,t lose it,everytime wind blow or rain drop harshly,my heart would sink to bottom and shed so much tears,but I still have my light in front of me so I still can see and have a hope.Now he is gone,I can not see at all,I feel like Dusty took everything that I have,nothing left,I don’t feel anything enymore.My sadness is getting deeper everyday.He was love of my life,meaning of life exgists with Dusty.I do not know why he had to go ,may be I will fine out when I get where Dusty is,I told him,please find me when i get there or I find you.

  • Harold says:

    Dear Debbie,
    October 12, 2007, marks the 7th anniversary of when our daughter, Cheryl, was killed in an auto accident her Senior year of high school. The only way I get through the days, even after 7 years, is with Faith, Family and Friends, and one scripture, framed on the wall in my office along with her beautiful picture, (from Romans 8:28): “We Know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him”. May you find comfort in those words, and May Peace be with you!