Should We Grieve?

Should we grieve?
The Bible says we should cry at birth and rejoice at death. So should we grieve?
Webster’s Dictionary gives grief the following definition, “Deep and poignant distress caused by or as by bereavement.” It also calls it suffering. So should we grieve?
First, let me say I believe there is a difference in sadness and grief. The above definition calls grief distress and suffering. To me this is much more than sadness. According to the dictionary sadness and sorrow are associated with grief. But I know from my experience when my mom died, I was very sad. At times I am still sad when I think of her being gone, but I am not depressed, or hurt. Usually these thoughts of sadness just lead me into happy memories of when I had mom with me, and thoughts of her being happy and well in heaven (being a Christian).
But what of those who grieve for months, or even years, unable to function well because of the loss of a loved one? Is this good, or even normal? I think not!
I believe there should be a time of sadness and heavy heartedness right after the loss of a loved one, but in the long run we hurt ourselves and those around us when our grief continues to reduce our function for too long a time. Also long term grief can lead to all kinds of health problems, from depression to pain of all kinds. It is important to help those who are still suffering from loss after a month or two.
How can we help? There are many ways to help those who are suffering from deep grief without resorting to therapy or drugs. First we can be there for them. We can help them remember the good times they had with their loved one. Keep coming back to the good memories, as these are the healing memories. Let them know, especially in a death, that the loved one will always be with them in the wonderful memories they left behind.

James Einert

More Articles Written by James

My name is James Einert, ND, CH and I am the creator of Grief Recovery That Works.com. In 1995 I started on a quest to learn all I could about natural health. I studied for almost 3 years and received my degree as a Naturopathic Doctor from the Clayton School Of Natural Health. I had practices in Ft. Smith, Conway and Clarksville, Arkansas over the next 4 or 5 years. I have helped many people using natural health practices to regain their health, but there were many who needed more help mentally and emotionally, some of who where seeing therapist, but were just unable to get help for their deep seated emotional troubles. So I sought to find a way to help these people as well. As a result of that search, I found the techniques I use in the "Grief Recovery That Works!" coaching plan. Since about 1999 I have known there was a wonderful technique for removing the pain of grieving. That was when I first discovered the Emotional Freedom Technique or EFT for short. EFT is a way to tap on accupressure/accupuncture points that will change your emotions. It will disarm your troubling emotions and set you on a path to true freedom. I have studied and worked with EFT since that time, but other obligations in my life kept me from really getting serious about helping others to benefit from my knowledge. Now things are different. I have much more time to work on helping others with my knowledge of EFT. Neuro-Linguistic Programming is something you may or may not have heard of, but it is most often thought of as a form of mind control or persuasion. But the great thing about NLP is that it has the same powers to affect your emotions as EFT, but it is somewhat slower and not as good for going deep into the emotions. But when combined with EFT, NLP makes EFT work much better and quicker, so instead of having to live with your debilitating grief for months, maybe even years, you can be over the pain and depression of grief in just a couple of hours!!! Stop the grieving and get on with your life!!! I am also a Certified Hypnotist and have created a very successful stop smoking program by combining Hypnosis and EFT. I also work with other health problems both physical and emotional.

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  • Shirley D. says:

    Dear Mr. Einhart
    I read your article, a few times in fact and honestly, I must say I think you are saying all grief is the same. I am sorry for the loss of your Mother. I’m happy for you that you could resume your life and function within a short time period.
    There are those of us that don’t quite handle it the same way? Have you ever received a phone call telling you that your 58 yr old, loving, kind hearted, wonderful sister died? Have you ever received a second phone call a few hours later telling you her death was ruled a homicide? Have you ever been interviewed by detectives? Have you ever had to run out the day of the visitation to find a scarf to match her buriel outfit because the autopsy scar was showing? Have you ever had to view a body where you saw stitches on the hands, knowing they were defense wounds, that your sister fought hard for her life? Have you ever had to clean out a house that was a crime scene? Have you ever read a homicide autopsy report? Have you ever had the six month anniversary of her death, which happens to be today, come and still no arrests for this horrific crime? If you answered yes to those questions, then you have walked in my shoes. If you answered no, then I’m offended that you would think all people and all grief is the same.
    Sincerely
    Shirley

    • James Einert says:

      Shirley,
      First let me say that I am very sorry for your loss. I have not walked in you shoes, and I am not trying to say that I know what you are going through.
      My main point in the article is that if you are still feeling debilitating emotional pains after a couple of months of a death, that is not normal. There are ways to remove this pain, and only remember the happy memories you have of your sister. I realize that hardly any two people handle grief the same way. And to grieve for a few months is fine, but if you can’t function again as you did before the death, after say 6 to 12 months, then you need some help.
      I have just posted some new videos on my website showing how to do the Grief Recovery That Works Program. These are of course just general instructions, but maybe they will help you in your grief pain. If you need more help, please feel free to drop me an email at griefrecoverythatworks@gmail.com. You can find the videos at http://www.griefrecoveythatworks.com/video.htm
      It is not my mission to cause you pain, but to help you overcome the emotional pain of grief and loss.
      James Einert, ND, CH

      • James Einert says:

        I’m sorry, the address is http://www.griefrecoverythatworks.com/video.htm. I left out the r in the above web address.
        James Einert, ND, CH

      • Shirley says:

        Dear James,
        I do appreciate your comments, however, the grief my family and I are going through is complicated. After two months, I was still in denial. I woke up every morning thinking, no, it’s all a bad dream. someone didn’t enter my sisters home and stab her to death.
        I was and still am very pro active in seeking help. I immediately saw my family doctor who in turn set up my first session with a family therapist, who in turn got me into a grief support group. When progress wasn’t being met with me seeing the family therapist, she then referred me to a psycologist.
        I tried my hardest to think of the happy, joyous times I had with my sister, but my mind also knew her killer was still out walking the streets. It’s more than grief. I was also suffereing from some form of ptsd. I feared being around people, I feared the dark. I worked hard, very hard with the help of my support system to fight the agoraphobia. I still get a little afraid in the dark, but I’m slowly facing that fear also. Month after month went by. On the six month anniversary of my sisters murder, I called the detective. I just needed some reassurance I guess that they were still working on the case. He normally calls me back within a day and 5 days later he finally called me back….to tell me they had made an arrest. Most people thought that would bring our family closure. Most people thought we would be jumping for joy. Instead, it brought back those early days. The day I got the phone call that she was dead and it was ruled a homicide. I was physically sick for a few hours. I cried. My chest was hurting just like in the beginning. Thankfully, that didn’t last nearly as long as the initial grief. Here I am, a week and two days later, feeling more relief, knowing this thing that murdered my sister is behind bars in a state that is a no bond state. He will not hurt another family like he has ours.
        Over six months into this, I do feel better. I am able to function, albeit I know our family has some big things coming up. A plea from the arrested, perhaps a trial (which we are told to expect), a list of many more things to come. So we may function, we may think more of the happy times with my sister, but there is always that little piece of our minds that will always have to live with the fact that she died, she was murdered and it all just isn’t fair.
        Sincerely,
        Shirley

        • James Einert says:

          Shirley,

          I am so sorry that you have had to go through such traumatic grief, and I am glad you are getting some relief. I agree, there will be some hurtful times in the future, but I hope you have watched my videos at my website (link given above) and will just give the techniques a try every time you are triggered into the grief, as well as using it every day to help you recover for the grief. You will be amazed at how it works. It also does a really good job of helping those with PTSD, so it will help you there as well.
          Also, I would suggest you read my new article which you will find here on open to hope, and keep watching my blog on my website.
          One last suggestion, have you thought of seeing a hypnotist? That is another great way to release many of the emotional pains of grief and PTSD. I know as I am also a Certified Hypnotist. You might ask your therapist if he or she does hypnotist, or if they can refer you to a good hypnotist.
          I pray you are able to overcome these hurts and pains from the loss of your sister.
          God Bless You!
          James Einert, ND, CH