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Helping Others After Loss

Posted on January 2, 2018 - by Gloria Horsley

At the annual ADEC (Association of Death Education and Counseling), I spoke with Dr Janet McCord about helping others after loss. Janet is a professor in Thanatology. In the video below she shared with me the programs at Marian University and what they offer those who are interested in helping others through grief and loss. Here are some key takeaways from the video: Janet offers a Masters of Science degree in Thanatology, which is the study of death, dying, loss, and bereavement. Thanatology doesn’t technically include non-death loss, but in Janet’s program it is included as well. Hospices are mandated […]

How Long Should Grief Last?

Posted on December 31, 2017 - by Bob Baugher

A man whose wife of 35 years died 12 months ago does not suddenly walk out his front door today and say, “Okay, I’ve resolved that issue.” Parents whose 4-year-old daughter drowned in a swimming pool do not announce five years later, “We’ve accepted our daughter’s death. It’s okay.” Three weeks after the best friend of a 14-year-old is shot and killed at her high school, the teenager is not likely to say, “I’m healing.” Yet, while a growing number of researchers on loss and bereavement question the use of such words as “acceptance,” “healing,” “recovery,” and “closure,” the media […]

Do Funerals Matter?

Posted on December 27, 2017 - by Gloria Horsley

The author of the book Do Funerals Matter?, Bill Hoy, talked with Dr. Gloria Horsley during the 2015 Association of Death Education and Counseling conference. “Throughout the world and throughout history, we keep doing a handful of things,” Hoy explains. He’s identified five “anchors” that are often found in funeral rituals throughout time and all around the globe. Rituals are very common, and are a great means of expression when words aren’t enough. Doing so with anchors is a common human experience, including: Using symbols from caskets to flowers, gathering people, a means of walking through the loss (ritual action) […]

When the Final Words Were Angry

Posted on December 26, 2017 - by Gloria Horsley

I’m sure you have heard the marriage advice “Don’t go to bed angry.” Resolving spats before bedtime is the advice offered by almost any long-married couple. What happens when differences can’t be resolved? When the night comes when, through fluke or chance, the marriage ends through a sudden death and there are no more bedtimes together? One couple had lived by that piece of advice their whole marriage, yet despite their love of 24 years, through college, children and careers the last words were full of venom. Bridget told me that she could not forgive herself for speaking harshly to […]

Waiting for God to Respond to a Prayer

Posted on December 22, 2017 - by Charles W. Sidoti

There is a classic psychological question you may be familiar with that is related to our ability to wait on God: “If a tree falls in the forest and there is no one there to hear it, does it still make a sound?” When we pray the words of the Serenity Prayer, “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference,” we present God with three requests. 1) The first request is for the ability to accept the things that we cannot change. Here […]

Why Some Families are Resilient

Posted on December 20, 2017 - by Gloria Horsley

Kathleen Gilbert is based at Indiana University and specializes in grief counseling with military members and their families—however, she also works to help families build resiliency during deployment (without any deaths occurring). Gilbert spoke to Dr. Gloria Horsley during the 2015 Association on Death Education and Counseling conference about what she’s working on and how grief in military families is a niche. Members of the Indiana National Guard were Gilbert’s first clients, and she operated a camp to help with healing, processing and grieving. In all cases (so far), it has been fathers who were deployed. For the most part […]

7 Survival Strategies for the Newly Bereaved

Posted on December 17, 2017 - by Tambre Leighn

As a grief recovery coach, I often get emails from people who have just recently suffered a loss. They all want to know the same thing. What can they do to get through the pain, sadness, and grief? Here are some strategies my clients have found to be helpful. 7 Strategies for Navigating Loss: Practice grace with yourself. Allow yourself to do what you need to take care of you without judging yourself for any actions you do or don’t take. Don’t let others tell you how to grieve. There is no right or wrong way. There is only your […]

Keep the Door to Your Soul Open

Posted on December 17, 2017 - by Elizabeth Brady

I was given a pocket size daily devotional after Mack died called “Healing After Loss” written by Martha Whitmore Hickman, who was also a bereaved parent. I carried it in my purse for two years until the binding weakened, the cover fell off, and each page was dotted with notes and stained with my tears. One of the daily reflections was actually credited to her own grandmother, who had also lost a child. She wrote, “Keep the door to your soul open” to your loved one. This notion struck me and I copied it down in my own journal. I had begun to experience a variety of dreams, visions, […]

How to Treat a Grieving Person: Be Real

Posted on December 17, 2017 - by Kim Shute

I am now two years out from the unexpected and traumatic death of my husband, which means countless people have lifted me up and cared for me when I could not do it myself. In and among those wonderful helpful friends and family, there have been some responses to my grief and mourning that were not just unhelpful, but hurtful. Given recent national conversations around grief, I feel the need to say something about what words people said to me that were most supportive, and highlight some responses that did not work for me. The socially accepted, “sorry for your loss,” […]

The Response of Men After a Miscarriage with Stephanie Rose

Posted on December 15, 2017 - by Heidi Horsley

At the annual ADEC (Association of Death Education and Counseling), I spoke with Stephanie Rose about men and miscarriage and the unacknowledged loss. Men sometimes respond differently to miscarriages. Stephanie explains more about this in the video below. Here are some key takeaways from the video: Stephanie’s research suggests that men can experience an array of emotions after their wife has had a miscarriage, but those emotions often brushed under the rug. When a man’s wife experiences a miscarriage, the man always gets asked “how is your wife doing?” vs. “how are you feeling?” A man’s feelings in this situation […]