Open to Hope Articles

Articles Home

Widow-to-Be Thinking Beyond Husband’s Death

Posted on February 26, 2009 - by Marty Tousley

By Marty Tousley, RN, MS, FT, DCC Question: My husband has advanced-stage lung cancer, and I have to face the inevitable that he will die soon. It’s been 8 months; we’ve been married for 20 years. I’m sure that it’s normal, but the thoughts that are running through my head are driving me insane. I keep envisioning myself starting relationships with other men. I feel guilty like I’ve already moved on with my life. It’s survival instinct too, because I can’t support my kids on my own and I’m trying to figure out what to do with the rest of my […]

Caregiver’s Support Group

Posted on February 25, 2009 - by Carol O'Dell

I have to admit that I didn’t attend a caregiver support group while I was caring for my mom. Not everyone is the “group” type. I started full time caregiving back in 1998 and honestly, I didn’t even know caregiving support groups existed. I had decided that I wasn’t going to go and talk about my mother! Yeah, I’m stubborn. By the time I figured out my way in “caregiving land,” my mom was pretty far along. It’s not that I didn’t need a support group. I’m sure my friends were sick of my griping and whining. But honestly, what little energy […]

Nurse Dispels Myths about Transplantation

Posted on February 25, 2009 - by Reg Green

By Reg Green — Although Charlette Thompson has looked after cardiac patients in intensive care units in Lexington, Kentucky, hospitals since the 1980s, she has never become accustomed to sudden death. After all these years there is shock in her voice when she describes it. “They’d be looking at you, talking to you, and the next second, the very next second, they’d be gone.” Charlette went into the ICU by choice. “I wanted to take care of the sickest patients,” she says. “But seeing so many deaths made me want to do more than keeping the dying comfortable.” About that […]

Shadow of Grief Still Lurks, 20 Years Later

Posted on February 23, 2009 - by Robert Thompson

By Bob Thompson — Although we know that after a loss the acute state of mourning will subside, we also know we remain inconsolable and will never find a substitute. No matter what may fill the gap, even if it is filled completely, it nevertheless remains something else. And actually this is how it should be. It is the only way of perpetuating that love which we do not want to relinquish. — Sigmund Freud This year marked a milestone regarding my son’s death that I noted but did not celebrate. This year was the year that Paul has been […]

Why We Read and Write Our Grief Stories

Posted on February 22, 2009 - by Richard Beck

By Richard Beck As I ponder what to write in my first article for the Open to Hope Foundation, I imagine what it feels like to read about the universal challenges that face us after we experience a loss. Loss is universal in that death is inevitable for all of us. Some losses leave us without words to describe the pain, the hurt, the rage, the sadness, and the grief that engulfs our souls. As a fisherman, I know that the ocean, Mother Nature herself, has no compassion and no conscience. When storms occur, good sailors can die. What is […]

February Calls Us to the Love Side of Life

Posted on February 22, 2009 - by Mary Jane Hurley Brant

By Mary Jane Hurley Brant — The month of February focuses our attention on love. Cards are bought, candy is given, kisses abound. So what is it about love? We simply cannot get enough of it. “I love you” and “I’m in love with you.” Is there a difference? Yes. “I’m in love with you” has more infatuation and projection attached, and “I love you” has more of day-to-day companionship attached. Each has its mystery. Mystery, by definition, cannot be completely understood. I like the word mystery because it elevates a subject. Anthropologist, Dr. Helen Fisher, writes that mystery is […]

Happy Birthday?

Posted on February 21, 2009 - by Eric Tomei

I have to be honest with everyone. I have been struggling all week knowing that Sunday was going to be here. Sunday is usually a great day. People everywhere sleep in, attend religious services, or better yet have a big breakfast with the family and lounge around till noon. But this Sunday has a whole new meaning for me. This Sunday (February 22nd) is my Dad’s birthday. Everyone who has experienced the pain and devastation of losing a loved one knows that besides all major holidays there are two dates that always jump out at […]

Husband’s Soul Lives on in His Shoes

Posted on February 21, 2009 - by Michele Neff Hernandez

by Michele Neff Hernandez — My husband had a shoe fetish. Phillip owned shoes for all occasions and athletic events-some were kept only for their sentimental value. To him, each pair either served a purpose or told a story, so there was no getting rid of them. This caused a serious storage issue. In addition to his side of the closet, he claimed the entire space under our bed. According to my husband, shoes could not be stacked, which meant the entire perimeter of the bed was lined with shoes. My shoes were piled in the closet in order to […]

Creating Memorial Services with Heart, Part of the Caregiving Journey

Posted on February 20, 2009 - by Carol O'Dell

Creating a meaningful memorial service for your loved one is cathartic, and you don’t have to wait until your loved one passes to begin to think about what they–and you–want and need. It’s a part of caregiving you’d rather not thnk about, but it’s the last thing you can do to honor their wishes and gather everyone around to reminisce, consol each other, and share precious memories. Planning funerals and/or memorial services takes time, and you’d rather spend those last few weeks and days your loved one has on earth at their side. You may find that planning your loved one’s memorial […]

Grief, Guilt, Death, Denial: a different experience for all

Posted on February 20, 2009 - by admin

by Mel Menzies There is a tendency to assume that, following a bereavement, grief must adhere to a certain pattern to be real. But this is not true. The process of mourning, following the loss of a loved one, is different for everyone, and looking for a set response from someone is a dangerous expectation. My reactions, when I lost my adult daughter, may be quite different to yours in a similar situation. And yours, in turn, may be opposite to someone close to you. It is important to grasp this concept, especially between parents who have lost a child, […]