Speak Their Names

    My parents never spoke about my beloved sisters Margie and Jane as the pain too hard for them. I followed their lead and did not mention Margie and Jane. For years when asked how many siblings I had, my breath stopped, and I answered, "Just me." Tt's a challenging question for almost all bereaved siblings. Today I state, “I am the middle of three, and sadly, I lost both my sisters.” When Jane died, someone said to me, “There will…

    No Recipe for Grief

    No Recipe for Grief I reread the rabbi’s eulogy from my sister Jane’s funeral. He had said, “There is no satisfactory answer to understanding why bad things happen to good people. Not all questions have answers. Unanswered 'whys' are a part of life. The way to face tragedy is with love. Use the love we had for Jane to forgive ourselves.” Focusing on his words helped me knock down roadblocks to forgiving myself. Regrets was another word associated with forgiveness.…

    The Power of Being with Others in Grief

    Like a Warm Blanket I was fortunate to attend and present at the 45th Compassionate Friends National Conference in Houston, TX, at the beginning of August 2022. Being with others in grief, especially others who had lost siblings, felt like coming home and being hugged by a warm blanket. Many emotions bubbled to the surface that I had kept dormant for decades. For silenced years about my beloved sisters Margie and Jane, the freedom and security to be open about…

    What I Didn’t Lose When My Brother Died

    Siblings are Forever The relationship we share with our siblings can be the longest-lasting relationship we will ever have. If you’re an older sibling, you’ve likely known your brother or sister since their birth. If you’re a younger sibling, they’ve been there your entire life. There’s a good chance we might experience more life events and changes with our siblings than with anyone else. Since I am the oldest child in my family and was five years old when I…

    When Loss Strikes Early and Often

    Death and Dying: Something I Know Well I remember sitting in class in college and feeling like I was absolutely thriving. I loved the content, our discussions, and the best part was that I already knew most of it. The class was a prerequisite for Child Life and was doubly labeled as a Nursing class. Its name? “Death and Dying.” When I told people I was taking this course, it was always very amusing to watch their faces scrunch up…

    Supporting Others in Grief

    Supporting Others in Grief There are ways that death affects us all that we sometimes can’t even describe or understand until that one moment that makes us realize just how connected everything is. We live our whole lives wondering when our time will come or how, but nothing prepares you for when it’s someone else’s. We prepare, we worry, and we love with all our hearts, and then they break into a million pieces with the words delivered to you…

    How to Survive a Memorial Service by Eating All the Cookies

    Dad Helped Plan His Memorial Service We had a memorial service for my dad. He helped plan the shindig. He picked the songs for the video slideshow, asked me to speak, and requested that his older sister, Kathy, co-lead the service. Dad requested that his grandsons play music. And he did not want a viewing. He wanted to be cremated. He had a hand in the whole thing. It was one of the strange gifts of cancer, the time to…

    Remembering Dakota: Sibling Loss and Its Impacts

    Brother Died Before I Was Born When was the first time I learned about death? I don’t remember a time when I didn't know about it. Hi, I’m Skye, and I was born two years after my oldest brother, Dakota, died from medulloblastoma, a brain tumor. That's right, my brother died before I was born. So it’s true when I say I was born understanding death. Most young people don't have to deal with so much loss in their family.…

    Finding Peace After the Loss of a Brother

    A Brother's Sudden Death As I walk into the beach hut, all is quiet. Still. Everything, as Carl left it. His table with a view of the ocean he loved so much. On it, an ash tray and tobacco. Carl’s beloved magpie statue, a symbol of his passion for the Collingwood Football Club. All around me, Carl’s belongings. The last time Carl closed the door, he did so with the belief he would return. He didn’t. “A luminous light remains…

    Board Games Connect Us to Siblings

    A Passion for Board Games At a recent conference I attended, one of the presenters shared her passion for board games. This sparked a memory of my beloved sisters Margie, Jane and I. Rather than ignore, suppress or forget, a smile came to my face. Memories I thought were lost bubbled to the surface. Growing up, my sisters and I spent time playing downstairs in the basement with the black and white linoleum floor. A closet housed the board games.…