Honoring Our Beloved Siblings

    Honoring our Siblings How we honor our siblings is personal. It may be a poem, song, fundraiser, inner thoughts, private moments, or a visit to the grave site. For me, it has been a decade of an ice-skating fundraiser, Celebration of Sisters, that ended on November 7th, the fortieth anniversary of the death of my sister Jane. Ten years of marking the memories of my beloved sisters Margie and Jane, shared with others in a sport we all shared as…

    What is the Recipe for Grief?

    What is the recipe for grief? There is no recipe for grief. Years after the deaths of my sisters, my complicated grief program required that I incorporate self-compassion into my practice of forgiveness. I learned to repeat this thought: I did the best I could at the time. I am amazing now. These words were crucial. As a figure skater, I thought of this like learning a new element on the ice. I'd break down the element into segments, put…

    Death Anniversaries are Powerful Days

    The dates are forever etched in our minds and hearts – the death anniversaries of our siblings. The calendar need not remind us; our bodies and minds tell us as the date is approaching. My sleep pattern changes, I experience outbursts of tears or crying spells, and my heart hurts. No rhyme or reason, it seems. Some years are more painful than others;. Why is this so? There are no answers. Grief paints its own picture. Death Anniversaries May Take…

    Emotional Grief Lessons

    Emotional Grief Lessons Through my rollercoaster of emotions, I have learned a number of emotional grief lessons: 1. Grief can be surprising in its breadth of emotions.  I have learned this is normal.  Some people cry. Some people laugh. Others lash out while still others retreat. Sometimes many emotions hit all at once, and it is difficult to sort them out.  Sometimes numbness prevails, and there is no emotion at all.  In my experience, the best way to deal with…

    Sibling Loss: Losing Part of Myself

    Losing Part of Myself It goes without saying that sadness and despair have been part of my grief journey.  Losing a sibling is so jarring.  When Dan died, I lost not only my brother, but a part of my past, my present, and our future together.  I was also losing part of myself and my identity in the world.   Since he was my only sibling, Dan was the only person who could corroborate what it was like growing up in…

    Every Person Has the Right to Grieve

    Every Person Has the Right to Grieve The title of one’s relationship does not dictate the depth of one's grief.  Each and every person has a right to grieve and receive the support they need, regardless of the relationship to the person deceased. Six months after my brother Dan died, I attended a theatre performance.  Some of Dan’s fellow performers, people whom I had watched him perform with on the exact same stage, were performing in a humorous, almost goofy…

    Music Can Help Us Grieve

    Music is Healing and Meaningful Music has always enriched my life, shared with my beloved sisters, Margie and Jane. As girls, we loved attending Broadway musicals. We listened to the recordings beforehand and sang the songs in our head as the actors performed on stage. Some of our favorites included The Sound of Music, Funny Girl, and Fiddler on the Roof. Now, this same music helps me grieve. I realize that because, when I moved to downtown Boston, my collection…

    Practice Self-Compassion When Grieving

    Why is grief still such an uncomfortable word for so many? It is a conversation that makes some people cringe. They do not have the tools to say, “I’m sorry, I can’t understand, please enlighten me.” I hope that by initiating more openness and discussions, the pattern will change. My message to others is practice self-compassion when grieving. For me, the path took thirty years to mourn my beloved sisters Margie and Jane. When ready to commence, break down the…

    A Decade of Celebration of Sisters

    November 1 would have marked a decade, the Grand Finale of Celebration of Sisters, an annual ice skating event to benefit Massachusetts General Hospital to commemorate the lives and memories of my beloved sisters Margie and Jane. Due to COVID-19 the event will be postponed until November 7, 2021. The time and energy put into the event, a void, a gap in my time, my emotions needed to channel my grief for my sisters whose birthdays come on November 6th…

    Excerpt from ROCK ON: Blessings in the Lessons

    This is an excerpt from Rock On: Mining for Joy in the Deep River of Sibling Grief, which is available https://www.amazon.com/Rock-Mining-River-Sibling-Grief/dp/1732888892/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2V353DVSRK5ZL&keywords=rock+on+mining+for+joy+in+the+deep+river+of+grief&qid=1576002958&sprefix=Rock+On%3A+Mining+for+%2Caps%2C155&sr=8-1 Chapter 10: Blessings in the Lessons Sisters Yvon Stokkink and Marissa Kerkdijk: interviewed in June 2015, Holland Mattijs Kerkdijk: 5/17/82-9/7/14 Cause of death: Suicide The day before his mother’s birthday, Mattijs received a text from his sister Yvon, who offered to pick him up the following day and bring him to his mother’s birthday party. My back is killing…