The bus stopped for you at GRIEF, and as you stepped off, you sank into an abyss of pain and sorrow, like nothing you had experienced before. You don’t have to stay forever in this inhospitable place.
Get back on the bus now!
When we experience the loss of a loved one, we can feel totally powerless as the feelings associated with grief wreak havoc in our lives. In the short term, we may have little control over our life and go through the motions in survival mode only. We wonder if we will ever feel some degree of peace again.
Stepping back onto the bus and getting onto the highway of life takes courage, but more than that, it takes a commitment to you.
Are you ready?
You must decide if you want life to be more than it is at the moment. Do you want to have meaning in your life again? Do you want to truly live again? Only you can decide.
Many may think, of course: What a stupid question! Of course I want to truly live, but getting back on that bus takes a lot of hard work. It will require that resolve, that commitment to you. It will underpin your actions, as you adapt to grief and gradually make a new course for yourself in the strangely altered life you now find yourself in.
Let me share something with you. About three months after my son died, I was with a friend. The emotional pain I found myself in was crippling me. Through my tears, I made a commitment to myself that night. I made a conscious decision that my son’s death would not define my life for ever, not in this way. It would not mean I was destined to live in this extreme emotional pain forever. It would not mean I would never enjoy moments of peace again. If I succumbed to this forever, I would be dead whilst alive, something I couldn’t do to myself or to Stuart. I thought of the pain he must be in watching ME and unable to help ME.
I had to get through this somehow!
Making that decision didn’t mean I could magically appear in a new life and start afresh. It meant I had to take steps to integrate that loss and get to a new destination. It meant there were tough times. It meant I had to find new ways of doing, being and feeling, that wouldn’t come easy.
To get where I am now has been the most difficult thing I have ever done. There were many times when I couldn’t get back on the bus. When the days were especially tough I would think back to that night and that decision I made to myself. That is what kept me going when I wanted to give up. I decided NO! I do want different. I’m getting back on the bus!
Here are some things to remember:
- You are in charge of you – you have control over you.
- It takes courage to step into the unknown – it takes a leap of faith. Look ahead to what you want.
- You are stronger than you know – you can do this. Be the strength you need for you.
- Remind yourself every day of your commitment – I am back on the bus.
Maureen Hunter 2011Tags: anger, belongings, funerals, money, Depression, guilt, signs and connections