When we speak of grief and loss, we think in terms of people, places, events and tragedies. Yet, there are other losses that are present in our lives that occur on a more corporate level. At times, these losses are harder to define, and when they are, linguistics often fall short of describing the feelings [...]
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Build a Grief Toolbox
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February 19, 2012
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There is value in writing things down, especially when you’re struggling with the symptoms of grief. I decided to make a list of the all the things we’d done that had seemed to help us, with the intention of sharing them with others. I call these things “tools.” ü Anti-depressants – Talk with your physician [...]
The Storms of Grief
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February 17, 2012
1 Response
I sometimes feel like my mood is reflected in the weather, albeit differently now. Before Nina died, I used to dread those dreary cloudy days and felt my best when it was warm and the sun shone brightly. Physically and mentally, I could feel the difference. However, in the early years after Nina died, my [...]
Grieving My Broken Hand
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February 16, 2012
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When a loss is “only” temporary, we don’t always allow time to grieve. We “slap ourselves upside the head, ” tell ourselves to “suck it up,” and remind ourselves how many worse situations other people are going through. But how bad does the loss have to be to deserve a timeout for some personal attention? [...]
Grief, Healing and Time
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February 15, 2012
1 Response
Today, someone I loved died. I can’t believe it. I don’t believe it. I won’t believe it. Family comes, Friends come. The phone keeps ringing. The doorbell rings again and again. The ringing seems far away. I hear it, but I seem unable to answer. My legs won’t move. My feet won’t move. I am [...]
The Banister and the Book
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February 14, 2012
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A few years after the death of our son Adam, Linda and I made the decision to move from our little three-bedroom home and into a townhouse. We were depleted of energy, straining daily to understand and cope with our heavy grief. We wanted to run away from our sorrows, to escape the pain and [...]
A Valentine Wish for Bereaved Parents
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February 12, 2012
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Happy Valentine’s Day to everyone! I’ve listed for you some things you can do on this special day in memory of your child. Children always loved this holiday for its sweet cards, candy, stuffed animals and going out to eat. And I’m sure you will miss those moments when your child surprised you with that [...]
If Only
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February 10, 2012
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If only…… If only….. If only……. If only……… If only…….. Most everyone has their share in life of “if only’s.” If only I were better looking, more popular, made more money, lived in a better neighborhood, were more organized, creative, articulate, athletic, had grandchildren, had more faith, had my sister’s curly hair and long eyelashes. [...]
The First Clear Day Without Rain, Ten Years On
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February 8, 2012
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5,256,000! Over 5 million! That’s the number of minutes since my sister died…the minutes and moments she has missed out on in these past years. That’s a lot of time….ten years worth to be exact. Ten years ago, my only sister Tarnia was killed in a car accident. It was the first clear day without [...]
Winter Grief
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February 7, 2012
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“When we scattered the ashes, the land was bare and brown and dry and cold. And we ourselves felt bare and cold. We were feeling the death in us, Rebecca and I, and hoping for spring to come, hoping for spring in us, hoping for something to be reborn.” – Loving Grief Does your grief [...]
How I Surrendered to the Grief of Losing My Husband
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February 6, 2012
2 Responses
On February 4, 2009, I woke up to find that my husband had died in his sleep from an undetected heart condition. He was forty-nine years old. I was thirty-nine. It was the biggest shock of my life. The first two hours were a blur of emotion, pain, fear, shock, and denial. The next two [...]
Maintaining a Healthy, Healing Relationship after Death
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February 5, 2012
1 Response
Ken sat on the couch across from me, smiled and exclaimed, “I stopped it! The uncontrollable crying. I stopped it!” Just the week prior, I had been at a loss as the 59-year-old self-avowed “Momma’s boy” cried with an overpowering despair. He had been completely inconsolable over the death of his 82-year-old mother. As a [...]
Moving on from an Unhappy Situation
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February 2, 2012
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When there are issues about past occurrences in your life, we know that letting go is easier said than done. And this is especially true for people who lost a love one, or someone who they care about. The problem is, most people use these everyday responsibilities and the issues they face every day to [...]
Accepting What We Cannot Control
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February 1, 2012
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“Control yourselves!” How many times did my little brother and I hear that from our parents growing up? As we got older, no one expressed those sentiments to us because we had somewhat “learned” as children to control ourselves through parents, schools, jobs and relationships. I think there has to be some sort of balance [...]
Listen To The Children
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January 31, 2012
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Children have a special ability to see and hear from our deceased loved ones. Those of you, whose children have experienced this beautiful phenomena, if you believe them, you will find enormous comfort in knowing that your loved ones in Heaven continue to watch over you, and especially your children. The connection and love continues [...]
New Year Offers Opportunities for Healing
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January 29, 2012
1 Response
Since our son’s death 21 years ago, I’ve observed or ignored New Year’s Day in a variety of ways depending on how hopeful I am feeling at the time. It’s probably not so different from anyone else facing the challenge of a loss, but for me, bringing in the new year on the 31st always [...]
Serious Personal Illnesses After the Death of a Child
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January 27, 2012
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At the time of the death of our child, we think and feel that our world will certainly end and we often want to die and be ‘with our children’. It does not matter if we have a wonderful relationship with a spouse, surviving children, family members, friends or a career; we just want to [...]
Italian Tragedy Touches All of Us
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January 26, 2012
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The recent tragedy in Italy when the cruise ship sank and many people died touches all of us in so many ways. My girlfriend and I spent New Year’s on a cruise, and it was a time of joy and a experience of happiness. So too were the hopes and desires of all the families [...]
A Letter to Suicide Survivors
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January 25, 2012
3 Responses
Dear Suicide Survivors: You are not alone. I know it feels that way, but I can assure you that there is help. I know you feel that no one can relate to what you’re going through, that your world is hopeless, and that your life will never be worth living. I understand. I felt the [...]
He is Missed
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January 24, 2012
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I was at the mall alone, returning a few things from the holidays, looking at clothes that the “experts” say are in style (did anyone really perfect the poncho look?), and generally just enjoying shopping without having to worry about whether or not my kids would knock over an entire display of purses…when something happened [...]
Meditation on Winter and Grief
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January 23, 2012
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Preparation for winter. Prepare the garden for next year by cleaning up the dead material that smothers the living and keeps it from experiencing the light and warmth of the sun. Storing the dead and dried wood of past years to warm our bodies and homes this year. The value of darkness and cold. A [...]
Help Can Come from Unexpected Sources, Like Ukelele Music
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January 22, 2012
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Years ago, I heard an author say all life experiences applied to a book when he was writing it. The same could be said of grief support. When you’re grieving, you may find help in unexpected places and from unexpected people — like a professional ukulele player. Today, as I was surfing television channels, I [...]
‘Daddy Died, Mommy. Are You Going to Die, too?’
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January 13, 2012
2 Responses
When children lose one of their parents to death, they may worry that their other parent will die as well. This worry can also come if another person who has been very important to them (such as a grandparent) dies. What can we do to keep those worries to a minimum? We lay the first [...]
When She Says, ‘I Have Cancer,’ What Do You Say?
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January 9, 2012
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There are 12 million of us in the United States who live with cancer and the number rises every year as researchers find new drugs to extend our lives. Some of us hide our diagnosis even from trusted loved ones, while others freely share it for a variety of reasons. I’m sure at least once [...]
The End of Grief: ‘Are We There Yet?’
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January 8, 2012
4 Responses
As I open the new 2012 calendar I purchased at the mall, I think about where I have been and where I am going. Is my life what I thought it would be? Absolutely not! Not since the death of my 20-year-old son, Clint, 6 1/2 years ago. After Clint died, I knew I wanted [...]
