Sibling Loss: Why Grieving a Brother or Sister Is So Often Overlooked

    Losing a brother or sister is one of the most profound yet most overlooked griefs a person can carry — so overlooked that bereaved siblings are often called the "forgotten mourners." When a sibling dies, attention frequently flows to the parents, the spouse, or the children, while the surviving brother or sister is quietly expected to be strong and support everyone else. If that has been your experience, please hear this: your grief is real, it is significant, and it…

    It Was Not the Same: Caregiving After Sibling Loss 

    When my mother had a recent medical crisis, on my way home from the hospital nearly in tears, I called a first cousin.  I was overwhelmed by a grief that felt new and heavy. I reached for someone who loves me and my mom, someone who has been in our family for longer than I have. She was kind enough to answer and stay on the line. She listened, was empathic, and said the right things.   After we spoke, I felt I still needed more. So, I called my aunt. Similarly, I felt heard, empathized with, and truly supported.…

    25 Years After September 11th: What I Learned About Grief, Families, and Hope

    Twenty-five years after September 11th, I continue to think about the families I came to know through my work with the FDNY–Columbia University Family Guidance Program. I worked closely with families who lost a firefighter in the World Trade Center attacks. I remain in touch with some of these families today, which has allowed me to witness how grief, resilience, and hope continue to evolve over time. Some of the children I once knew have grown into adults and even…

    New York City: 25 Years of Healing and Hope

    Over the past 25 years, I have watched New York City carry unimaginable loss while continuing to grow, rebuild, and find hope. What stays with me most is how people came together. Families, first responders, neighbors, volunteers, and strangers supported one another in extraordinary ways. In the midst of grief, there was also an incredible sense of connection and community. As the years passed, I watched the city change. Lower Manhattan came back to life. New buildings rose, families grew,…

    The Healing Power of a Grief Letter

    Dear Family, There were so many things we didn’t get to do, and our time together was cut short. Physical and mental ailments prevented us from living out all the plans we made, but we still made the most of our time together. Y’all beat the odds and lived longer than anyone expected for people in your condition. God didn’t answer my prayers to take away the sicknesses, but He granted me favor through temporary healings and the blessing of…

    Dreamtime

    As I drifted off to sleep last night, my heart hummed with a familiar warmth and, in its secret way, sent out a quiet invitation to those nocturnal angels who watch over us at night. I found myself in one of those quasi-dream states in which most of me was dreaming, but there was a sliver of awareness that could witness what unfolds.  I was standing alone in the gauzy grey of twilight, underneath a large exterior deck of a…

    Forgiveness

      I reread the rabbi’s eulogy from my beloved sister Jane’s funeral. He said,  “There is no satisfactory answer to understanding why bad things happen to good people. Not all questions have answers. Unanswered “whys” are part of life. The way to face tragedy is with love. Use the love we had for Jane to forgive ourselves.” Focusing on his words helped me knock down roadblocks to forgive myself.” Forgiveness for me was not a quick fix, magic bullet, instant…

    The Quiet Work of Healing After Loss

    Grief Changes You – Awareness Helps You to Rebuild Loss changes you. It’s natural to feel lonely and unsure when someone important is no longer there. When depression that follows loss is part of the picture, everything can feel heavier and harder to move through. For a long time, that weight can feel constant – like you’re moving through fog. Separation can also create a space you don’t recognize, but it can also help you see yourself without old patterns…

    Sibling Loss: Why Surviving Brothers and Sisters Are the Forgotten Grievers

    When a sibling dies, you don't just lose a brother or sister. You lose your oldest witness. The keeper of your childhood. The person who knew the family you came from in the same bones-deep way that you did. The one who was supposed to walk into old age beside you, swapping stories about what your parents were really like. And yet, when a sibling dies, the world tends to ask, "How are your parents holding up?" I lost my…

    Mother’s Day After Loss: 9 Compassionate Ways to Cope with Grief on a Tender Holiday

    There is a particular ache that arrives with Mother's Day after loss. The greeting cards in the grocery store. The brunch reservations everyone seems to be making. The social media posts that begin to fill your feed days before the holiday even arrives. For those of us who are grieving, Mother's Day can feel less like a celebration and more like a tender, exposed nerve. If you have lost your mother, this day can feel like an annual reminder of…