Losing My Sister: A Boston Vigil

    Below is an excerpt from With and Without Her: A Memoir of Being and Losing a Twin.  The piece begins the day my sister, a psychologist, was fatally shot by one of her patients.  My husband, Dan, and I have traveled from Knoxville, Tennessee, to the Lowell, Massachusetts, hospital where my sister lies dying. It is past twelve, a starless night when we reach St. Joseph’s Hospital. A black cross rises from the roof cornice, and from inside, the dimmed…

    Little Blue Box — By Savannah Daly

    “I love your shoes, Mommy!” I shout excitedly while wobbling toward her wearing her black heels. “Thanks Nannah!” My mom says happily, gently pulling more shoes out of her messy closet. Contributing writer Amy Daly's daughter, Savannah, wrote this article. She lost her sister several years ago. “I love your shoes, Mommy!” I shout excitedly while wobbling toward her wearing her black heels. “Thanks, Nannah!” Mom says happily, gently pulling more shoes out of her messy closet. I was pulling…

    Twin-Loss: Healing Memory of Early Twinship

    Mother announces, “School’s out. It’s time you two had your own gardens. No more family victory garden like we had in Washington. You are old enough to grow your own vegetables. We can eat them at home or maybe if they are really nice, you can try to sell them to your Grandmother and Grandfather.” She stops for a moment and then says, “You should have seen the vegetables we grew when I was little, and the eggs from our…

    September 25: Day of Remembrance for Murder Victims

    September 25th is the national day of remembrance for all murdered victims. This year will mark the fifth year of a national day of remembrance to those victims our nation lost to murder. Communities across the nation will hold services throughout the day to remember loved ones who were murdered. Some will be candlelight vigils, some will have guest speakers and others will have moments of silence. For the families and friends of murdered victims, this day sends a powerful…

    Healing from Twin-Loss Requires New Connections

    So many people are shattered by deep personal grief, by the unique and often unacknowledged experiences of their loss, and by the misunderstood depth and length of their bereavements. The death of my twin brother, Michael, and the different ways I experienced the absence of him in my life, created a deep sense of inner loneliness and outer separation. My healing journey began with what felt like the end of my life.   Out of profound disconnection, I started the…

    The Bereavement Process for Twinless Twins

    When we lose a twin, it feels for many of us like the literal end of our lives. That is true, in that it is the end of life as we have known it since the moment of our conception. As one twin explained to me: “The day my twin died, the lights went out.” Another twin said to me, “After Daphne died, it was as if I couldn’t breathe. I’d never in my life thought about breathing. I just…

    Grief Can Surface Years After a Loss

    Denial of grief is common and misunderstood. Grief can wait in the wings for a time to surface, when you are better prepared to absorb its lessons. It can be triggered by other losses. Left undone, grief can wreak havoc with your ability to enjoy life and feel positive emotions. Grief has no time frame. It can be postponed, but never put away. My identical twin sister Paula Pountney died unexpectedly as her small plane crashed into the Atlantic Ocean…

    Sibling Loss: Honoring, Not Forgetting

    In the United States today, there is a natural, assumed order to the deaths we will experience in our lives. We believe that our grandparents will die first, then our parents, then our brothers and sisters, and then our children. However, that is not how it happens for thousands of people each year, and that is not how it happened for me. When my brother Scott and cousin Matthew, were just 17 yrs. old they died together in a fiery…

    Adult Siblings’ Grief May be Overlooked

    Yes, it is dreadful for our parents when our sibling, their child, dies. Horrific actually, made even more so because we know. We see it in their faces and feel it in their words. We know because we may be parents ourselves and the thought of losing one of our children is unfathomable. It’s also awful for our sibling's spouse and their children. We see and feel it in their faces and wonder how they will survive. And, it is dreadful…

    Man Writes Music to Ease Grief

    My name is Michael, and I lost my talented, loveable, indescribable sister to suicide, and my solid, strong, and loyal father to a cancerous brain tumor- in the space of half a year. I don't have to tell you how that felt. Most of you reading this have your own pain to help you empathize with my story. What I do want to share here with you is how I deal with it; how my music helps me and allows…