Open to Hope

Dad Dying of Dementia

Monday, May 5, 2025

Dad Dying of Dementia When I was a little girl, I idolized my dad. The ease in which he moved through life, his gentle nature and compassionate soul made being with him feel like being tightly embraced, pulled into a warm hug that could cure the worst kind of day. I remember being in awe of him and his light, his steady hand, the way he made anyone he spoke to feel important. From the joyful and lighthearted years of childhood to the trying, sticky years of adolescence, my dad was a place of solace for me, carrying my burdens […]

Death of a Parent

Death, Advanced Directives, and Dad Jokes

Monday, April 28, 2025

Death, Advanced Directives, and Dad Jokes It was the best conversation we never wanted to have. I filled out an Advanced Directive with my dad. And it was fun! I had asked family members to fill out Advanced Directives a few times before. I know feelings about your mortality change and, thus, your view of care shifts. And they needed an update. I decided to complete an Advanced Directive, the Five Wishes Document, for myself before asking my dad to complete his. I am not sure that was the right decision. Often, my dad would ask me what I chose […]

Death of a Spouse

Watching My Wife Die: Carrying the Tiger

Monday, April 21, 2025

Watching My Wife Die “Sometimes you have to say enough is enough.” It is late afternoon. Lynn and I are in the living room, she in her wheelchair, me in a folding chair in front of her. There is one light on, leaving most of the room in shadow. Dr. Hellman speaks calmly, gently. “If you go back to the hospital now, you will probably never come out,” he says. “The radiation may slow it a little, but there’s just too much cancer. We’re not going to beat it, and the treatments will make you even weaker. If there’s ever […]

Complicated Grief

Does It Matter That She’s Drunk? The Grief of Alcoholism

Monday, October 28, 2024

She’s Drunk “Wait! What am I supposed to be doing now?” from my mother during a board game. “So you don’t like gumbo?” […from my mother to a relative for the 10th time in the last 30 minutes] While solemn remarks are being shared about a matriarch of our family, an unsolicited and loud, “And you used to beat me!”  […an untrue statement from the side of the stage in an effort to be funny, followed by uproarious laughter from her singularly.] Leaning over to pick up a Christmas gift from under the tree, down she crashed like a fallen […]

Complicated Grief

Is Climate Grief Real?

Monday, October 7, 2024

Is Climate Grief Real? Although research on climate grief is in its infancy, researchers have begun to substantiate the impact of climate change on young people and their mental health. The U.S. government’s National Climate Assessment cited mental health concerns as a side effect of climate change, and the American Academy of Pediatrics issued a policy statement warning that climate change poses threats to “children’s mental and physical health (Pautz 2020).” Thanatologist Kriss Kevorkian has defined environmental grief as “the grief reaction stemming from the environmental loss of ecosystems by natural and man-made events (Rosenfield, 2016).” Cunsolo and Ellis define […]

Death of a Parent

My Father’s Conscious Dying

Monday, June 10, 2024

My Father’s Conscious Living As Father’s Day approaches, memories bubble up of my beloved dad. I grew up feeling valued by him, and as a kid, I was always willing to do my part. I learned that when everyone pitches in a reasonable portion of the work around the home, it makes the chores go smoothly. When shared with others, work can be a fun enterprise. Daddy always asked me to be his helper as he worked at various chores around our home. One of my favorite jobs was washing the car with him. He made it fun to lather […]

Complicated Grief

Grief During Chronic Illness

Tuesday, June 4, 2024

Grief During Chronic Illness I remember when I started to hear the word “chronic” from the mouths of people that were involved in my health. I recall the acupuncturist who asked how long my symptoms had been happening. She nodded knowingly at my answer, “Oh, so this is chronic.” I hear the doctor who seemed pleased with himself when diagnosing me with something that was simply repeating what I said I was experiencing, “Ah hah! Sounds like chronic fatigue.” I was surprised to hear this word reflected back to me. When I looked at my health deductions and expenses for […]

Complicated Grief, Death of a Parent

When God Leads You to a Parent’s Deathbed

Monday, May 27, 2024

I got used to living a fatherless life, even before he died. When I thought about him, it was always followed by guilt, and then I would actually stutter. It was better to not think about him at all. And then one day my sister, Peggy called. “Hello Anne. You’ve got to come. It’s Dad. He’s dying of cancer.” Is she crazy? She knew what he had accused me of. He blamed me for our mother’s death. She knew all about that. And now she is telling me I need to come and see him? “No!” I shout. “I can’t.” […]

Bereavement, Death of a Parent, Death of a Spouse

Handling Your Own End-of-Life Planning: A Thoughtful Goodbye

Monday, May 20, 2024

Handling Your Own End-of-Life Planning Each of us will eventually have to confront death. My late husband, Tom, died in my arms several years ago. Less than two months later, my 84-year-old mother passed with me at her side. While I deeply miss their physical presence, I still have their love and spirits with me today. I will always be grateful for the support of friends, family, and colleagues during that difficult time. Grieving the loss of a loved one is never easy, and many of you may have experienced similar heartache. Amidst my sorrow, I managed the estate settlement […]

Bereavement, Self Care

Changes in Seasons: Living Through Times of Loss

Monday, February 5, 2024

Changes in Seasons North of the equator, and north of the tropics, we are in the season of winter. The grass is brown and bare branches are all around. It is a season of layers, scarves, and gloves. Of ice scrapers, frost, and wind chills. Birds, those who are left, puff up for warmth and search for food. For many of us, it is a season of inside with a sweater and a blanket and a cup of something warm. South of the equator, and south of the tropics, the season is summer. The grass is green, and instead of […]