Open to Hope

Considering New Relationships After a Loss

Thursday, July 2, 2026

Our culture presents romantic love in the light of a “one and only.” The person you marry is usually considered the “one true love.” For some people, such a singular concept may be true. However, for people who lose a spouse much too soon, this romanticized idea of love may not be helpful. Widows and widowers may struggle with nagging feelings of disloyalty to their partner when they reach the point of wanting to meet new people or look for a new mate. Feelings of guilt when engaging with a new person can hinder our ability to create another loving […]

Death of a Partner, Death of a Spouse

Dropping the Ball Again This Year? 3 Easy Intentions for Bouncing Back

Tuesday, March 31, 2026

“ I love it when they drop the ball in Times Square. It’s a nice reminder of what I did all last year.” Bouncing back after a significant loss is not only daunting but often shatters one’s self-confidence. I wanted to prove to myself that my grief was not going to control me and force me to surrender just because certain tasks were tedious and the work was hard. Since my husband’s death, I began to question my desire to handle all the maintenance tasks and other things “we “used to do. So, I didn’t plant flower pots overflowing with […]

Death of a Spouse, Self Care

A Lighthearted Valentine Evolved Into a Lasting Commitment. A commitment in life and in death.

Saturday, February 14, 2026

““ Success in marriage is more than finding the right person. It’s becoming the right person.” Many of us had those “puppy love crushes” in our teenage years with no expectation of it leading to the altar. I purchased a cute Valentine’s Day card for a “guy” I was dating on-again, off-again. There was no intention in mind other than to get his attention with a bit of lighthearted humor. For all I knew, he could have promptly discarded the greeting card. On the front of the valentine was a picture of a sad, droopy hound dog  and the words: […]

Death of a Spouse

Fingerprints: Losing a Husband, Living with Grief

Monday, June 30, 2025

Losing a Husband When he used to take off his socks next to our bed and throw them ceremoniously to the cork floor, he would spread the fingers of his chubby peasant hands on the wall of our bedroom to keep his balance before rocketing into bed beside me. It took at least three years to have a finished wall in that bedroom. Seeing his greasy fingerprints all over my carefully chosen hue of green with a matte finish made me grouchy. Now, I recline with four pillows surrounding me as I look at his fingerprints, which are almost all […]

Death of a Spouse

Living and Dying Together

Rosita and David Actions better explain love, as love is an action word. It requires a series of give and takes between a man and a woman to fulfill just a short 60,70 years on this earth together. I want to share a love story that I encountered during my time as a Hospice Chaplain years ago. Rosita and David had come from entirely different lives. Rosie, as she would have me call her, came from a very conservative, extreme spiritual family in Argentina. Her father was a lawyer and her mother a teacher. And David was born and raised […]

Death of a Spouse

What a New Widow Should Know to Survive

Saturday, May 17, 2025

When you suddenly find yourself without your life partner, you don’t know what to expect. Your world’s been turned upside down. Like the mighty oak caught in a fierce wind, you feel uprooted. Your feet don’t touch the ground. You think you’re crazy. But you’re not. You’re just a new widow. Your husband is dead and your life is forever changed.

Death of a Spouse

Finding Joy While Grieving: Carrying the Tiger

Monday, April 28, 2025

Finding Joy While Grieving Recently, a grief counselor told me something disturbing. He had been describing my new memoir, Carrying the Tiger: Living with Cancer, Dying with Grace, Finding Joy while Grieving, to one of his support groups. When he reached the point where I began to form a new relationship just a few months after the death of my beloved wife, several of the women stopped listening. “Women grieve, men replace,” one said dismissively, and the others nodded in agreement. They assumed that my actions suggested emotional abandonment, or perhaps a kind of infidelity, both of which they found […]

Death of a Spouse

New Love and Memories After the Death of My Wife

Monday, April 21, 2025

New Love After the Death of My Wife Monday, September 27, 2021 We consolidated Lynn’s clothes into a closet and a bureau, unearthed her beautiful scarves and handbags, and put them in a couple of baskets in the living room. We went through her family photos, collected her sketchbooks into one pile, and flipped through years of drawings. The whole process was immensely sad. Every day brought dozens of touchstones of our shared life: photos that I examined, perfumes that I sniffed, and handwritten notes that I read until I couldn’t bear to read further. I was sad from morning […]

Death of a Spouse

Watching My Wife Die: Carrying the Tiger

Watching My Wife Die “Sometimes you have to say enough is enough.” It is late afternoon. Lynn and I are in the living room, she in her wheelchair, me in a folding chair in front of her. There is one light on, leaving most of the room in shadow. Dr. Hellman speaks calmly, gently. “If you go back to the hospital now, you will probably never come out,” he says. “The radiation may slow it a little, but there’s just too much cancer. We’re not going to beat it, and the treatments will make you even weaker. If there’s ever […]

Death of a Spouse

The Shock of Spouse Loss: Carrying the Tiger

The Shock of Spouse Loss Sunday, September 28, 2014 It’s an unseasonably warm Sunday in late September. I am working at my computer while my wife, Lynn, lies on our bed across the hall, sketching our elderly cat, Jack. She’s spent a lot of time like that these past two months, feeling increasingly crummy for some reason the doctors can’t figure out. It began as chronic indigestion, then acid reflux, and recently bouts of diarrhea. She’s stopped enjoying her meals and is losing a lot of weight. Her doctors have given her every kind of scope and scan they can […]