Bereavement, Death of a Child

Ten Ways to Support Grieving Parents Who Are Experiencing the Loss of a Child

Thursday, September 11, 2025

Why This Topic Matters The death of a child is one of the most devastating and life-altering losses anyone can experience. For parents, it is not only the loss of a beloved son or daughter—it is the loss of future dreams, milestones, and a sense of identity that is often intertwined with being a parent. Friends and family often want to help but struggle to find the right words or actions. Missteps are common—not out of malice, but out of fear or lack of understanding. By identifying what parents who are grieving the loss of a child need most, we […]

Bereavement, Your Grief

Yes, I’m Still Grieving

Friday, November 22, 2024

Yes, I’m Still Grieving If you or someone you care about has ever suffered a painful loss, you’ve likely heard, communicated, or thought something like the following: That earnest wish that a person could “move on” or “get over” the intensity of grief. The well-meaning concern that someone is “dwelling on,” “wallowing in,” or “stuck in” grief. That kind directive to “focus on the positive” or work to get one’s “life back.” We often feel it, deeply, when friends or family members are grieving. Perhaps we experience their hurt empathically, or maybe we sense its weight because we wish for […]

Death of a Spouse, Your Grief

After Husband’s Death, my Year of ‘Solitary Firsts’

Wednesday, July 31, 2024

My Year of ‘Solitary Firsts’ As I write this article, 2-1/2 years after my husband Marty’s death, I am overwhelmed with surprise that so much time has passed. Memories of that first year are wrapped in a surreal haze and when vivid images do surface, the fog lifts and reveals my year of solitary firsts. February 11, 2009, marked the death of my husband, my mate of 42 years. A quote on the back of the Joyce Carol Oates book, A Widow’s Story, says “of the widow’s countless death-duties there is really just one that matters:  on the first anniversary […]

Death of a Child

Happy New Year is Tough on Bereaved Parents

Monday, January 1, 2024

  When the ball at Times Square drops, champagne corks pop. Ample hugs and kisses are dispensed all around. A new year, new hope, new ventures, new possibilities. Wow, it’s all so exciting! However, for the parent who has lost a child in the previous year, the dawning of a new calendar year can be rough. In fact, most of the time, it is. The bereaved parent can feel isolated, lonely, and sorrowful while everyone else is celebrating. Daniel died at age four in February 1997 and entering 1998 was hard. My mind was filled with questions like: What am […]

Bereavement

The Pros and Cons of Emotional Shields

Friday, May 21, 2021

‘Shields Up!’ What if the emotional shields we use to protect ourselves from pain get stuck in the upright position? What happens then? Can we get them unstuck? Is lowering our shields even a good idea? In the popular TV and movie series, Star Trek, from the 1960s to today, one of the consistent features in the starships used to travel the vastness of space is that they have invisible shields. When a starship is under attack, the captain orders, “Shields up!” to protect both ship and crew. The shields are not perfect protection, however, and part of the drama […]

Bereavement, Death of a Child

Eight New Year’s Eves Ago

Saturday, January 16, 2021

There is a collective sigh of relief as we ring in 2021, and yet there is also mounting loss and unattended grief. For those of us who have been learning to live newly after the death of our own loves, we know that healing will take time and attention. Our own son Mack died 8 years ago today, two weeks shy of his ninth birthday. It still takes my breath away. How I long to see his teddy bear eyes and laugh together on the couch. I sense his joyful presence. I picture him running, his long legs stretched out, […]

Open to Hope

Can You Grieve for a Place?

Friday, September 6, 2019

My husband and I are moving in a month. He is paraplegic. I’m recovering from open heart surgery and have a pig valve in my heart. These factors made us decide to move to a place with support services. We are leaving our wheelchair-friendly town home and moving to a senior living community. Though the decision is the right one, when I look around our town home I feel sad. I grieve for a lost lifestyle. Our apartment is in the independent living part of the building, yet we won’t be totally independent. Wherever we go, we will be surrounded […]

Death of a Spouse

Being Exquisitely Seen

Wednesday, May 29, 2019

Books Saved Me I’ve been a lover of words and books and writers since childhood. I treasure the way we can be educated, transported, and transformed through what we read and the stories we share. Every so often, I hear a phrase strung together, like pearls on a string, that resonates deeply in my soul. How a phrase lands can be as breathtaking as the most beautiful view from a mountaintop. During difficult times, I’ve often turned to books for comfort, wisdom, and to feel less alone in my struggles. The author that saved me from my grief was Viktor […]

Open to Hope

Finding the Strength You Need

Thursday, June 8, 2017

The death of a loved one is such a shock to the body and mind, you may wonder if you’re going crazy. You aren’t going crazy; you are grieving. In 2007, after four family members died in succession, I wondered if I were going crazy. More worrisome, I wondered if I could survive such sorrow. Where would I find the strength? Would I ever be happy again? Recovering from multiple losses takes longer than recovering from one. Four successive losses brought me to my knees. My elder daughter, (mother of my twin grandchildren), died from the injuries she received in […]

Death of a Child, Special Topics, Your Grief

10th Anniversary: Tears at Home Depot

Tuesday, February 14, 2017

The 10th anniversary of my daughter’s death is a few days away. I thought I was prepared for this anniversary, but I wasn’t. Instead, I have burst into tears several times. My daughter, mother of my twin grandchildren, died from the injuries she received in a car crash. Six months later he twins’ father died from the injuries he received in another crash. The court appointed my husband and me as the twins’ guardians. A few days before the anniversary of their mother’s death, the twins were going to celebrate their 25th birthdays, and receive their mother’s legacy. To mark the […]