Death of a Sibling, Open to Hope

Forgiveness

Tuesday, June 30, 2026

  I reread the rabbi’s eulogy from my beloved sister Jane’s funeral. He said,  “There is no satisfactory answer to understanding why bad things happen to good people. Not all questions have answers. Unanswered “whys” are part of life. The way to face tragedy is with love. Use the love we had for Jane to forgive ourselves.” Focusing on his words helped me knock down roadblocks to forgive myself.” Forgiveness for me was not a quick fix, magic bullet, instant gratification, but a long, arduous triathlon. I needed to program my heart and mind in sync to forgive myself and […]

Bereavement, Death of a Sibling, Open to Hope, Self Care, Special Topics, Your Grief

Sibling Loss: Why Surviving Brothers and Sisters Are the Forgotten Grievers

Thursday, May 14, 2026

Surviving siblings are sometimes called the forgotten grievers. Brothers and sisters lose their oldest witness, their playmate, the keeper of their childhood — and the world too often expects them to be the strong one. Here’s why sibling loss is uniquely complicated, and 7 ways to honor your grief.

Bereavement, Death of a Sibling

Grief Doesn’t End: My Brother’s Birthday and the Pain of Secondary Loss

Thursday, March 26, 2026

Monday is my brother’s birthday, and he has been gone for almost four years. I have been more emotional for weeks, and I didn’t even realize it; it hit me like a brick wall the other day. Grief is crazy like that; how it can just come in and take over like a bad storm, and you don’t even realize it. Today I got a text from his wife, in a group chat with my other brother and his wife. Asking  “Is the plan still on for Monday?” I was personally unaware of any plans for Monday. So, I had […]

Death of a Sibling, Open to Hope, Self Care

Skating for My Beloved Sisters

Thursday, February 26, 2026

Skating is a sport I shared with my beloved sisters. When we were young girls, we proudly carried our skates in plaid bags and raced to be the first ones on the ice. Margie, my older sister, the most talented, Jane, the youngest, was athletic, and I, the middle sister, a bit of a klutz. Little did I know that skating would become the chord that would bind me, honor, and remember, and forever find peace and joy with my sisters.   Throughout my life, somehow the ice called me, a pull I never quite understood, my happy place, where […]

After Life Connections, Death of a Sibling, Open to Hope

Memories and Messages. Merry Christmas from the Other Side

Saturday, January 3, 2026

Christmas had always been a special time for me. The anticipation of Christmas day – decorating the tree and house, buying presents, beautiful food and spending time with family. But over time, Christmas has lost its sparkle. While I still appreciate the day with people I love – it no longer holds the same energy as years before. The excitement has been replaced more with a time for reflection and a longing for times gone by. Grief has woven her darkness through the tapestry of life with my brother Carl’s passing after a car accident, precious pets transitioning, and long-term […]

Death of a Sibling, Open to Hope

The Silence After Goodbye: My Brother’s Suicide and the Gifts He Left Behind

Friday, November 21, 2025

Drastically, his mental state had deteriorated.  Now I see it clearly: my brother was incredibly strong for holding on as long as he did. He carried the weight for over a decade, ever since I left him behind when I immigrated to Canada.  Conditioned to live by abandoning his own needs and silencing his own dreams, he poured all his energy into everyone else.  Facing my own suicidal thoughts became the heaviest burden of all. Only later did I learn from Dr. Alan Wolfelt’s The Wilderness of Suicide Grief: Survivors of suicide loss are at high risk themselves. It’s not just […]

After Life Connections, Bereavement

Carl’s Magpies-Messages from the Afterlife

Monday, September 15, 2025

Before losing my brother Carl after a car accident, I had always believed that when we died, that was it, the end of our journey. And in the early stages of grief, it was a dark time – to think that Carl was gone and I would never see him again. After Carl’s funeral, we were faced with the daunting task of collecting his belongings. Carl’s friends were amazing and provided support beyond what we could ever have expected. They brought their trucks and trailers and helped us pack everything he owned. Words can’t convey the surreal, gut-wrenching feeling of […]

Death of a Sibling

Echoes of Earlier Losses

Thursday, May 8, 2025

Echoes of Earlier Losses Unfortunately, many of us have experienced compound grief from multiple losses – either more than one sibling, a child/sibling, sibling/parent, sibling/grandchild, or partner/child. The death of my father three decades after losing my beloved sisters Margie and Jane, triggered feelings I kept dormant. When Margie and Jane died, I didn’t know what grief was. Siblings are the forgotten mourners and take on the role of caretakers. I fast tracked life, ignoring my own grief. I don’t recall Margie and Jane’s funerals. With my father, the experience was totally different. I was present for his last breath, […]

Death of a Sibling

Caring for Surviving Siblings

Friday, May 2, 2025

Caring for Surviving Siblings  A decade ago, I was fortunate to meet Heidi Horsley, a fellow surviving sibling and philanthropist. We bonded immediately. After years of being alone in my grief, I was grateful to connect with individuals who understand, are compassionate, speak the same language, and are members of the same club. Thanks to Heidi, who is executive director of Open to Hope, this year marks a decade of me contributing articles for this website. Writing became a vital tool in my grief journey. The process began with journaling, progressed to articles, and ultimately a memoir. I never dreamed […]

Death of a Sibling

How Many Siblings Do You Have?

Monday, April 28, 2025

How Many Siblings Do You Have? “How many siblings do you have?” It is a dreaded question asked of many a surviving sibling. When I’m asked, my heart thumps out of my chest. I sense the heat rising on my face and struggle to breathe. How do I answer? For me, the answer has changed over time. When asked, decades after I lost my sisters, I still experience the tremor in my body. Regardless of how ready I believe myself to be, the experience leaves me reeling when asked. After my younger sister Jane died in 1981, was I now […]