Children & Teens, Death of a Child

Terrible, Thanks for Asking: What I’ve Learned About Grief

Saturday, January 24, 2026

I’ve never loved anyone the way I loved Rob. Six years ago, I joined the world’s worst club when my older son shot and killed himself. He was 28. Rob suffered from depression, bipolar disorder, and alcoholism. After he died, it was my turn to find out what suffering really means.   After he died, it was my turn to find out what suffering really means.     In the first few weeks and months, I was gutted and in shock. So were my ex-wife, Caryn and my younger son, Zach. Our family had been destroyed. The whole thing seemed surreal—time was out […]

Children & Teens, Death of a Child

The Soul Knows When It’s Time to Go

Saturday, December 20, 2025

Trying to make sense of suicide is a fool’s errand, and I’ve been that fool ever since my son Rob died. Losing any relative to suicide is traumatic, but it’s particularly devastating for parents, who feel like a failure in the most important job of their lives.   I tortured myself for the better part of two years, asking the same questions over and over again—is there anything we could’ve done to prevent Rob from doing what he did?   In the days and weeks after his death, the answer seemed obvious: yes! For God’s sake, I was with him […]

Death of a Sibling, Open to Hope

The Silence After Goodbye: My Brother’s Suicide and the Gifts He Left Behind

Friday, November 21, 2025

Drastically, his mental state had deteriorated.  Now I see it clearly: my brother was incredibly strong for holding on as long as he did. He carried the weight for over a decade, ever since I left him behind when I immigrated to Canada.  Conditioned to live by abandoning his own needs and silencing his own dreams, he poured all his energy into everyone else.  Facing my own suicidal thoughts became the heaviest burden of all. Only later did I learn from Dr. Alan Wolfelt’s The Wilderness of Suicide Grief: Survivors of suicide loss are at high risk themselves. It’s not just […]

Death of a Child

Why I Talk to Light Bulbs: I See My Dead Son

Monday, May 26, 2025

Why I Talk to Light Bulbs I see my dead son everywhere. Within days of Charlie’s death by suicide three years ago, I noticed flickers everywhere. He’s out of reach, and my brain knows it, but my brain keeps looking for him. He has thoroughly infiltrated my senses, revealing himself in sounds like clinking beer bottles, the rumbling laughter of his father, and the flicker of the lights that illuminate my bathroom vanity. When I was thick with grief, unable to eat or focus or track simple conversations, muscle memory pulled me through the motions of simple hygiene each morning. […]

Complicated Grief

A Journey Through Suicide Recovery

Tuesday, January 28, 2025

The sudden loss of a loved one to suicide creates ripples that affect families in profound ways. In a moving conversation on the Open to Hope podcast, Vanessa Francis shares her journey of healing and transformation following the unexpected loss of her husband Rick to suicide in March 2016. An Unexpected Turn Vanessa and Rick’s love story began through a matchmaker in 1994, leading to nearly 20 years of marriage and the adoption of their daughter. Rick, described by colleagues as “jovial” with a quick wit, showed no obvious signs of depression. The morning of his death began like any […]

Complicated Grief, Self Care

Tools to Ease ‘Catastrophizing’

Monday, November 4, 2024

Tools to Ease ‘Catastrophizing’ My husband and I are Digital Nomads who work remotely and travel, and for the most part, it is fun and interesting. In early grief, however, after I lost my 20-year-old son to suicide, I never thought I’d leave my home, much less travel around the world. Getting out of bed and feeding myself was a major triumph in the months after my loss. Aside from overwhelming grief, I had a sense of dread and foreboding. I was certain I’d lose my husband or another family member next. The world felt unsafe, and my home was […]

Complicated Grief

Caring for Your Spirit after a Suicide

Monday, August 26, 2024

Caring for Your Spirit after a Suicide For many people, the suicide of a loved one raises agonizing spiritual or existential issues. These include many questions such as Why does suicide happen? I’ve tried to be a good person, so how could God let this happen to me? Is suicide a sin? Is my loved one in hell? What happens to a person after death? Will I ever see my loved one again? What good is my religion to me now? Who am I now? What is the purpose of my life? Why should I go on living? Suicide Challenges […]

Complicated Grief

Feeling Guilty after a Suicide

Feeling Guilty after a Suicide When something goes terribly wrong, human beings have a natural and powerful need to make sense of what has happened. This usually includes a need to affix blame for the bad thing that has happened. Most people, even if they are outwardly blaming someone else for the suicide, will also be privately asking themselves. “Is this my fault? Why didn’t I see this coming? Could I have done more to prevent it?” This self-blaming is very, very common after a suicide. Later on in this book, we will discuss some reasons why people tend to […]

Complicated Grief, Self Care

Immediately After a Suicide: Three Things to Remember

As you begin to take in the reality of the loss of your loved one by suicide, there are three things to remember: Take Care of Yourself Right now, you may not feel like anything matters. You have been psychologically wounded by this death, and as with any injury, you will have to focus for a while on finding ways to cope with the pain and take care of yourself. No One Cannot Do This Alone You will have to find ways of surviving that work for you. They will not necessarily be the same methods of coping used by […]

Children & Teens, Complicated Grief

Telling Young Children of a Suicide

Telling Young Children of a Suicide Parents are often understandably concerned about how the harsh fact of a suicide in the family, particularly of a parent, will affect their children. They may wonder whether telling their children–particularly young children–the truth about the death will cause more harm than good. And if they do decide to tell their children the truth, they struggle to find the words to explain what they find very hard to understand themselves – “Why did this person take their life?” It is important to know something about the developmental processes that children experience as they grow […]