Death of a Child

Mother Finds Comfort Saying Daughter’s Name

Few ask how I’m doing these days. Friends have resumed their lives and so have I. Today, I’m living a new, meaningful and happy life. Yet there are times when the pain of losing my daughter in 2007 hits without warning. Suddenly, I am transported back in time and see terrible images from the hospital emergency room. Since these mental pictures drag me down, I consciously switch my thoughts to positive pictures, such as my twin grandchildren graduating from high school. I’m glad I learned how and when to do this. Though we all go through grief, Americans tend to […]

Death of a Child

Scripting Our Own Grief Paths after the Death of Our Children

Relationship Continues after Daughter’s Death The relationship that I continue to share with my daughter Jeannine following her death in 2003 has on most days allowed me to embrace a peaceful perspective.  As part of our ongoing relationship, she has regularly communicated signs of her presence. In the beginning, I longed for signs because the pain of her physical absence was unbearable. Today, I still welcome signs from my daughter but no longer rely on them. Jeannine makes her presence known when I need it most or simply when she desires contact with me. I also know that I can […]

Death of a Parent

‘I Want My Dad to Walk Me Down the Aisle’

When Your Father Dies Have you ever wondered why the good die young? I think about that all the time. It was a perfect Saturday. The couple went to the Bronx, walked around laughing and reminiscing. They went home watched a movie with their kids, but he couldn’t fall asleep. His chest was hurting, he didn’t feel well. Suddenly, he wasn’t breathing. That great man was my dad. How could a perfectly healthy man just suddenly not be there when you get home from school? The thought of what happened that night is always in my head. I wonder if […]

Death of a Child, Special Topics, Your Grief

Father Pens 30th Birthday Message to Deceased Son

Message to Deceased Son My son, Michael, was born 30 years ago today.  It would have been amazing to see what he would have looked like.   I often dream about what he would be doing with his life.  Married?  Kids?  Or…  still living at home?!? Well, he is still at home.  His stocking is on my fireplace at Christmas.  His picture is on the mantle and in my home office.  Michael is also at work, in my wallet, and on the internet.  His rap CD, just recently created from old cassette tapes,  is being heard by others for the first […]

Death of a Spouse, Special Topics, Your Grief

Widow Wonders Whether New Partner is Stuck in Grief

Is My New Partner Stuck in Grief? Question from reader: I am currently dating a widower who feels the need to publish a picture of his ex-wife in the local newspaper twice a year, on her birthday and date of death.  He has been doing this for five years.  We have been dating for four-and-a half-years.  My husband died suddenly of a heart attack just a month after my companion’s wife died following a two-year battle with colon cancer.  At this point, I’m not sure how I am tolerating these very public displays of grief. Would you be willing to […]

Death of a Sibling, Special Topics

Death of a Sister: ‘Part of My Soul Has Left Me’

Death of a Sister I walk to your grave alone, in the cold demise of Fall.  It seems so much colder here without the comfort of knowing that you will be here to protect me in this life as you have so well.  The sky is white and endless.  The sun has been cloaked by the cryptic fog.  The leafless trees sway back and forth with the algid wind.  The ground is damp and dreary.  The world never seemed to be such a strong representation of death before you left me here, all alone. Oh, my elder sister, why have […]

Death of a Child, Special Topics, Your Grief

Getting Through Halloween after Child’s Death

Getting Through Halloween after Child’s Death On the evening I type this, the nip in the October air is a reminder that the major holidays are just around the corner. Halloween decorations have been in the stores since July and Christmas décor even as early as August. For those of us who are bereaved parents, siblings and/or grandparents this means the sooner they are “in our face” the longer we have the constant reminders that we will be facing the holidays without our child. Whether it is your first Halloween following your child’s death or years down the road, such […]

Death of a Spouse, Special Topics, Your Grief

Grieving Through the Holidays

Grieving Through the Holidays I know I’m not the only one who is feeling the effects of the season. Grieving during “normal” times is a full-time job.  Throw in 2 or 3 holidays back-to-back and whatever milestones we might have in the middle…well…we’re all working on nervous breakdowns of epic proportions. I think one of the cruelest things about the holidays (and this may just be me) is that we’re dealing with something we used to look forward to so much. And it’s turned into something we can barely get through. My first Christmas without my husband was definitely the hardest.  […]

Death of a Child

New Normal After a Son’s Suicide

New Normal After a Son’s Suicide Five years after my son’s suicide, I stood at my picture window and smiled at the snowbirds that hovered around the feeder. They spit fluff from the seeds and it floated down, scattering hulls on the ground. A flit of wings and a brown sparrow darted along the grass. After the snowbirds left, I became surprised the sparrow didn’t fly to the food. It continued to eat what fell from the other birds’ beaks. I pitied the feathered creature. It had failed to see there was now room to eat from the bird feeder. […]

Death of a Child

New Normal for Mom after Death of Adult Son

New Normal for Mom after Death of Adult Son There was no rain, just some dark misty clouds.  There in the sky was a beautiful rainbow.  We were traveling home from the hospital after our son Lucas died, and saw the rainbow come from nowhere.  It stayed with us 10 minutes or so, and I knew deep within me that God had sent that sight for me, to give me some sort of peace or hope for the future. It has been over a year since we beheld that gorgeous sight, and every time I see a rainbow, I am […]