Other Losses

Poem: I Met A Man

Thursday, December 30, 2010

I stopped to meet a man today surrounded by his walker. He needed a little more space to stay a stable pace without a falter. ‘Twas to my pride but mostly luck, that I this time did not deny his slow and gnarled like gait through said passage that was mine to take. He had a little hat upon his head. Neatly folded and serenely molded. Cloth it seemed, instead of new, with sideways, tilted, falling off of head. In fact it seemed a shape to me faintly reminiscent of the sea. A simple shape, to be sure. As all […]

Open to Hope

loss of child and husband

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

I lost my 42 year old son to lung cancer in 2007, my mother 6 months later. My husband who had alzheimer passed away October 16, this year. I thought after so many months of taking care of him and watching him diminish I would be ready. The last day of his life we spent the day holding hands shopping, talking and enjoy evening of our usual ice cream when suddenly went into cardiac arrest. I am having a hard time coping and somedays I feel he is still with me and suddenly over come with grief. My friend and […]

Death of a Child, Special Topics

‘Brant, I Don’t Want You to Go’

I spent more than half that night at our son’s side. Only when exhaustion took over did I give in to sleep. I finally relented and slept on the couch in the family’s room for a short time. Early the next morning, I went back into Brant’s room, re­suming my place in the rocking chair one of the hospital staff had brought in for me. I had a very calm feeling come over me as I picked up his tiny hand. I leaned my head toward the bed and put the palm of his hand flat upon my right cheek. […]

Death of a Child, Special Topics, Your Grief

Michael’s Gift to Me: Feeling the Zing

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

I purchased my third Christmas tree since I lost my son Michael in 1998.  I’ve got to admit, this year I felt a little blue and a bit uncaring about the celebrations.  I spent some time acknowledging that I do miss my son.  I also miss my mom, dad, brother-in-law and others who are no longer here.  And while it would seem that this would be the obvious cause of my blues, I found that it was only a small piece of a larger puzzle. Since I was still lacking that special ho-ho-ho, I began to check into other factors […]

Death of a Spouse, Special Topics, Your Grief

Family Practices Teamwork After Husband/Father Dies

Our family received an amazing, unexpected Christmas gift of a very cool new TV. We went about shifting, rebuilding, figuring out cable connections, and placing the new gadget in the place of our old big screen. Somehow amidst the chaos, the daunting task of moving the old machine out to the garage ended up happening when the kids and I were home alone. As I stood looking at the old television, I remembered the day Phil and I brought it home. He was so excited. We bought the new big screen as a part of the house remodel that we […]

Open to Hope

Walking Wounded at the Holidays

Monday, December 27, 2010

I am one of the walking wounded. On most days, you can’t see my scars. During the holidays, as families gather, plan and celebrate, my scar begins to show. It begins to deepen in color and intensity, kind of like Harry Potter’s.  On non-holiday days, I can bear my scar and move on. During these holiday times, though, I feel more alone, more broken, more wounded. It feels like such a lonely road, but I know there are many men, women and children walking it alongside me.  We have lost love, joy, and sometimes hope through our life experiences of […]

Death of a Child

Spirit of Errol Heals the Living

In a certain sense, we all start dying as soon as we are born, but with my son Errol’s birth, death approaches immediately. On the fifth day of his tenuous life, Errol undergoes open-heart surgery, and six excruciating weeks later, we bring our fragile baby home to begin a very different life than we had anticipated. Errol is born with a significant heart defect and cognitive disability that prevent him from walking or talking and demand our constant vigilance. As we grieve the child we had anticipated, Errol’s full-bodied smile and irrepressible laugh turn our sorrow into joy, and teach […]

Special Topics, Your Grief

Six Steps to Regaining Balance After a Loss

Sunday, December 26, 2010

After a loved one dies you’re overwhelmed with contradictory feelings. You have trouble sleeping and feelings you didn’t know you keep you awake for hours. At least, that is my experience after four family members, my daughter, father-in-law, brother, and former son-in-law, in 2007. Hymns, poems, novels and stories have been written about the quest for peace. Though religious and spiritual beliefs can contribute to peace, in the long run, peace is something we grant to ourselves. In order to survive the grief journey we must make peace with many things. Doing this can be the biggest challenge of our […]

Death of a Spouse, Special Topics, Your Grief

Holidays a Time for Relinquishment and Renewal

Saturday, December 25, 2010

As a widow, I continually try to be positive in the changes and growth that have emerged in my widowhood.   Attending bereavement sessions around the holidays, I hear and see the word, “surviving”. Surviving to me connotes a time of languish, a sacrifice and an insurmountable obstacle.  Most of us experiencing loss have felt fleeting moments of such, but then again we may find a single bright moment that leads the way to hope and renewal and even revival on this grief journey. Holidays not only suggest shopping as with birthdays, Hanukkah and Christmas, but also include decorating, baking […]

Open to Hope

papa i m missng you

Friday, December 24, 2010

i am 24 yrz old…my papa loved me a lot he alwz encouraged me boosted me in all problems…he wanted me to be an officer in civil servicz….i am living in a very strict and narrow minded social set up,,,but my papa gave me full freedom of thought and expression,,,he waz much enlightend person despite of my social set up….. i loved my father…bt in the last dayz of hiz life i waz not giving him much time….dont know what state of mind i had than ,,,i waz rude with him….he died suddenly ,,left me speechless ..it waz a huge […]