On February 4, 2009, I woke up to find that my husband had died in his sleep from an undetected heart condition. He was forty-nine years old. I was thirty-nine. It was the biggest shock of my life. The first two hours were a blur of emotion, pain, fear, shock, and denial. The next two [...]
Found 25 results
Dealing With the Winter Blues
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February 4, 2012
1 Response
“I don’t feel good,” I said to my sister. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me or why…but I don’t.” The moment the words left my mouth, I had a revelation. I say the same thing, the same thing, every year at this time. I don’t know why. I truly don’t feel like it’s the [...]
A Letter to Suicide Survivors
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January 25, 2012
3 Responses
Dear Suicide Survivors: You are not alone. I know it feels that way, but I can assure you that there is help. I know you feel that no one can relate to what you’re going through, that your world is hopeless, and that your life will never be worth living. I understand. I felt the [...]
He is Missed
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January 24, 2012
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I was at the mall alone, returning a few things from the holidays, looking at clothes that the “experts” say are in style (did anyone really perfect the poncho look?), and generally just enjoying shopping without having to worry about whether or not my kids would knock over an entire display of purses…when something happened [...]
Cat Offers Solace in the Grieving Years
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January 7, 2012
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After my partner, Ruth, died in 2004, I found solace in a most unusual source, our sixteen-year-old calico cat, Daisy. Now, I know pets are often a great source of comfort to us, but Daisy was special. She was blind. I always thought I would need to take care of her after she suddenly lost [...]
In Widowhood, Woman Discovered her ‘Song’
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January 2, 2012
2 Responses
I am a woman who has been reborn in the afternoon of her life. The death of my husband of 42 years could have stopped me in my tracks. Instead, it not only took me on a journey into grief, it also took me on a journey into self-discovery. I didn’t have an answer, but [...]
A Special Ornament
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December 24, 2011
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The four-inch light blue glass ball is always the initial ornament placed on our annual family Christmas tree. For our first Yuletide Season together, my new husband David and I travelled to my childhood home in upstate New York to be with family. We saved the money that we would have spent on a tree, [...]
Unplanned Hope
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December 22, 2011
1 Response
To this day, I still do not know why I did it. I was serving as a Roman Catholic Priest then, and fell very ill the night of a wedding rehearsal. The religious sister with whom I worked offered to drive me the 25 miles to the Church where the wedding was to occur. We [...]
Couple Use Last Six Months to Express Their Love
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December 18, 2011
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I would sit for long periods with Jim in his kitchen when Lisa slept. He was a large man who had laid bricks his entire life, until he retired, five years before Lisa received a terminal prognosis of congestive heart failure. Unlike her husband, Lisa was very small, and, in the words of Jim, “the [...]
100 Things She Misses About her Husband
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December 17, 2011
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Several years ago, after much thought, I decided to create a blog that chronicled my journey through widowhood. It was my hope that by putting my thoughts and words on page one less person would feel alone on their own journey of loss. It was my hope that it would lead to healing…mine… and maybe [...]
Using Loss as an Inspiration to Help Others
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December 16, 2011
1 Response
On March 9, 2010, the unthinkable happened, I found myself widowed at the age of 25 when the love of my life, my soul mate, was in a car accident while on his daily morning commute to work, just two months shy of our wedding day. Early on in my journey, I knew part of [...]
Dr. Pepper Provides Sign from Beloved
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November 28, 2011
2 Responses
From my own experience with losing my beloved, I have found it helpful for me to maintain a continuing bond and relationship with him. While our relationship is different than it was when he was here on Earth, I still have a strong connection with him in my heart and through the memories I carry [...]
Widow Wonders if She’ll Ever ‘Fit’ with Another Man
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November 23, 2011
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Liana watched as the email came in. A “wink” from the cyberspace-dating world. God, she said to herself, how did I get myself into this? She settled down into the office chair and clicked on the picture. Ugg, not for me. So she pushed the search button and scanned the faces that were supposed to [...]
The Holidays: Plan, Set Boundaries, Smile
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November 18, 2011
1 Response
For some reason, we all have embedded in our minds that once Thanksgiving arrives, it is time to increase the level of stress we place on ourselves. No matter what type of planning we do for the holiday season, we all tend to let the gift-giving and the changes in daily schedule and family dynamics [...]
Grief Soup: The Mix of Emotions
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November 16, 2011
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If only grief were simple: sadness, tears, missing that beloved person. If only we could be alone in stillness with the absence (and the starting presence) of that dear person we’ve lost. Maybe then we could simply rest in the plain sorrow of love and let our grief be. What you get, though, is it [...]
Death of Spouse Prompts Re-assessment of Life
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November 10, 2011
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I read something recently that I wanted to share with you that I think articulates part of the miracle…yes, I did say miracle…of loss. Not the loss itself, of course…but what our (dare I say) rebirth when it happens. Mark Mettousek said: “It seems perverse that authenticity should stem from loss. The outline cracks, you [...]
Chanel No. 5: Bringing Wife’s Memory Alive
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November 9, 2011
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Chanel No. 5. It is a perfume name that I know. I can’t recall what it smells likes, yet I was married to a woman who wore it. I can recall the woman: her smile, her laugh, her facial expressions, and the way she looked at me. I have a small bottle of Channel No. [...]
Young Widow Watches Sons Grow into Men
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November 4, 2011
1 Response
I am a mom of two boys. I am mom to two boys who do not have their father around anymore as a model. I am a mom who, beyond words, loves being a mom of boys. When my husband died seven years ago, I knew that finding positive, male role models for my young sons would [...]
Physical Effects of Grief: Insomnia, Eating Problems, and More
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October 27, 2011
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When I suddenly lost my fiancé in a car accident, my body had a traumatic response to the situation. When we grieve the loss of someone we love so much and who had such a profound impact on our life, we do not get to choose how our body reacts. We can’t place an order [...]
Transitions: How to Recapture the ‘Drive’
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October 26, 2011
1 Response
Question from a Reader: How do you bring back the “drive”? The desire to improve one’s self? The desire to learn something new, or to go with your goal? Since my husband died nearly a year ago, I’ve lost this drive and it seems hard to get it back. I still want to achieve some [...]
The Truth Behind the ‘Considerate Griever’
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October 23, 2011
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Throughout the last few years, I have thought a lot about how we all handle widowhood differently. We all move at our own pace and grieve within our own comfort zone. It’s been interesting to me the way I’ve grieved. For the most part, I consider myself a pretty private person when it comes to [...]
Don’t Believe One Widow’s Experience Will be the Same as Yours
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October 23, 2011
2 Responses
You know…I always hesitate before I write about something hard I’m going through. There is always a fear that a new widow will read it and think, “My gosh…I’m just trying to get through today. This woman has been at it for almost four years and she’s still having a hard time???” I’m always worried [...]
October Brings New Beauty, Triggers Old Grief
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October 19, 2011
1 Response
October begins again and I can feel my descent into the memories. It started about a week ago when the weather began to change a bit. The cooler breezes starting blowing, the sky is a more brilliant blue and the heat is beginning to subside. For me, all of these changes trigger my grief. It [...]
Buffy the Vampire Slayer: An Image for My Life after Loss
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October 16, 2011
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When my husband died, I had no idea how I’d recover. After two years of nursing his terminal illness, our household was drained and I was just plain exhausted. As the breadwinner, I had worked full time through his illness; as the mother of a small child, I was desperately needed at home. Perhaps it [...]
Regaining the Bounce
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September 15, 2011
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I played basketball when I was younger and occasionally even now, I enjoy going out and shooting some baskets. I love the feel of the leather and the springy sound of the ball as it hits the pavement and jumps into my waiting hands. If I haven’t played for awhile, though, sometimes I get the [...]
