Death of a Parent

‘I Want My Dad to Walk Me Down the Aisle’

Wednesday, May 14, 2025

When Your Father Dies Have you ever wondered why the good die young? I think about that all the time. It was a perfect Saturday. The couple went to the Bronx, walked around laughing and reminiscing. They went home watched a movie with their kids, but he couldn’t fall asleep. His chest was hurting, he didn’t feel well. Suddenly, he wasn’t breathing. That great man was my dad. How could a perfectly healthy man just suddenly not be there when you get home from school? The thought of what happened that night is always in my head. I wonder if […]

Death of a Spouse, Special Topics, Your Grief

Widow Wonders Whether New Partner is Stuck in Grief

Wednesday, February 26, 2025

Is My New Partner Stuck in Grief? Question from reader: I am currently dating a widower who feels the need to publish a picture of his ex-wife in the local newspaper twice a year, on her birthday and date of death.  He has been doing this for five years.  We have been dating for four-and-a half-years.  My husband died suddenly of a heart attack just a month after my companion’s wife died following a two-year battle with colon cancer.  At this point, I’m not sure how I am tolerating these very public displays of grief. Would you be willing to […]

Death of a Sibling, Special Topics

Death of a Sister: ‘Part of My Soul Has Left Me’

Wednesday, November 13, 2024

Death of a Sister I walk to your grave alone, in the cold demise of Fall.  It seems so much colder here without the comfort of knowing that you will be here to protect me in this life as you have so well.  The sky is white and endless.  The sun has been cloaked by the cryptic fog.  The leafless trees sway back and forth with the algid wind.  The ground is damp and dreary.  The world never seemed to be such a strong representation of death before you left me here, all alone. Oh, my elder sister, why have […]

Death of a Spouse, Special Topics, Your Grief

Grieving Through the Holidays

Thursday, October 24, 2024

Grieving Through the Holidays I know I’m not the only one who is feeling the effects of the season. Grieving during “normal” times is a full-time job.  Throw in 2 or 3 holidays back-to-back and whatever milestones we might have in the middle…well…we’re all working on nervous breakdowns of epic proportions. I think one of the cruelest things about the holidays (and this may just be me) is that we’re dealing with something we used to look forward to so much. And it’s turned into something we can barely get through. My first Christmas without my husband was definitely the hardest.  […]

Death of a Spouse

Five Years into Widowhood, Life Goes On

Tuesday, February 20, 2024

Five Years into Widowhood I still can’t believe that he is gone, and perhaps I never will.  And that’s all right.  I never thought that I would be alone, and in my mind, I know that being alone is the hardest thing that I will ever have to do.  If you have lost the love of your life, then you know what I am talking about. You confront the same unbearable pain and heartbreak each day as I do, and you too have loneliness as your constant companion. It has been five years since Eddie died.  My friends and family […]

Bereavement

Tolerating the Intolerable: Beyond Numbing

Thursday, August 6, 2015

When the death of a loved one happens suddenly and unexpectedly, it can crack your heart wide open. The shock and pain of the loss is numbing at first because the reality that you will never see your loved one again is intolerable and overwhelming. Numbing feelings in a sense protects you from experiencing them all at once and from the reality of what has happened. The numbing begins to wear off after the funeral, after family and friends return to their own lives…then the reality that your expectations, hopes and dreams have inextricably been changed forever begins to surface. […]

Death of a Child, Your Grief

Renaming the Stages of Grief

Tuesday, April 28, 2015

Chances are, you’ve heard of the stages of grief Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced in her 1969 book, “On Death and Dying.” The stages are: 1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression 5. Acceptance It is a very nice idea that you can break grief down into defined segments that have a clear beginning and end. This way, you would know when you’re done with one stage and when to move onto the next in progression until you’ve accepted the death and come to peace with it. It would be nice…but reality isn’t so simple most of the time. A […]

Death of a Child

The Terms of My Surrender

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

From the moment you came into my life, I hated you. I despised you. You came on the heels of my worst nightmare come true – the death of my young daughter. I didn’t know your name at the time. I just knew that you brought with you all the horrible feelings and emotions I had spent a lifetime learning how to repress and ignore. You broke my defenses down like they were candles trying to stay lit in a hurricane. You pounded me with pain, panic, anger, confusion, hysterics, anguish…and too many more to list. Mostly you came in […]

Death of a Child

God’s Plan in the Grocery Store

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

With my whole heart I can say that I am not afraid of anything in life now that I’ve watched my son die.  Nothing can ever be harder than that moment in time; therefore, I have nothing to fear.  Death itself no longer scares me, either, knowing he is waiting for me on the other side. There are, however, a few land mines that I run into every once in a while that catch me off guard.  Explosions of anger, frustration or sadness that turn me inside out and make me come unglued. You know what I’m talking about.  You’re […]

Death of a Child

‘How Are You?’: A Silent Signpost for the Newly Bereaved

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

“How are you?” It is such a seemingly simple, benign question. Often, those who ask the question are not doing so out of real concern, but just as a polite, meaningless pleasantry. Just as often, those who answer the question would never think to respond with anything other than the implicitly expected “I’m fine” or “Good. How are you?” – even if everything wasn’t fine. But what happens when the simple question of “How are you?” becomes a harsh reminder of the isolation felt by anyone struggling with overwhelming grief?  What happens when it becomes the silent signpost marking the […]