Death of a Spouse

Being Exquisitely Seen

Wednesday, May 29, 2019

Books Saved Me I’ve been a lover of words and books and writers since childhood. I treasure the way we can be educated, transported, and transformed through what we read and the stories we share. Every so often, I hear a phrase strung together, like pearls on a string, that resonates deeply in my soul. How a phrase lands can be as breathtaking as the most beautiful view from a mountaintop. During difficult times, I’ve often turned to books for comfort, wisdom, and to feel less alone in my struggles. The author that saved me from my grief was Viktor […]

Open to Hope

Death of Husband Led Her to Stop Fearing Life

Wednesday, February 7, 2018

The word “fear”. Take a moment to think about what fear means to you. To me, the word brings up a million different images. To most, it means that they are afraid of something: afraid to speak in public, or scared and nervous to try something new, which is often actually a fear of failure. To me, fear means that I am not stepping outside of my comfort zone and I am not taking healthy chances. All changes, all goals and all life choices are the result of looking fear in the face. Fear causes people not to live. That […]

Special Topics

Waiting for God to Respond to a Prayer

Friday, December 22, 2017

There is a classic psychological question you may be familiar with that is related to our ability to wait on God:  “If a tree falls in the forest and there is no one there to hear it, does it still make a sound?” When we pray the words of the Serenity Prayer, “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference,” we present God with three requests.   1) The first request is for the ability to accept the things that we cannot change. Here […]

Open to Hope

Father’s Day: A Duel Between Happiness and Sadness

Friday, June 17, 2016

The first Father’s Day I remember was when I was 8 or 9, and my dad and I were on an “Indian Guides” camping weekend with our “Tribe.” “Indian Guides” was a father and son organization run by the YMCA, and that weekend lots of fathers and their boys went camping in cabins, roughing it, and bonding. The Sunday morning that weekend was Father’s Day, and I had, with the help of my mother, hidden a pair of socks, wrapped neatly in my bag, so I could surprise my dad with a present when he woke up. Turns out, I […]

Death of a Child, Your Grief

Renaming the Stages of Grief

Tuesday, April 28, 2015

Chances are, you’ve heard of the stages of grief Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced in her 1969 book, “On Death and Dying.” The stages are: 1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression 5. Acceptance It is a very nice idea that you can break grief down into defined segments that have a clear beginning and end. This way, you would know when you’re done with one stage and when to move onto the next in progression until you’ve accepted the death and come to peace with it. It would be nice…but reality isn’t so simple most of the time. A […]

Death of a Child

Grieving a Future I’ll Never Have

Thursday, February 19, 2015

When grief is new, it is excruciating and overwhelming. Many people get stuck in a quicksand of pain that is so thick and intense, it feels impossible to escape. As you struggle through those first few days, weeks, and months, you begin to be pulled so far down into it, you can’t imagine how you’ll survive. I certainly felt that way. I’m grateful that those days are behind me. And yet you do survive. Despite all odds, you wake up each morning. Your body still functions. You find a way to quietly camoflauge yourself within with the “normal” world around […]

Death of a Child

Grief and the Loss of Control

Monday, June 9, 2014

Possibly one of the hardest aspects of grief for me has been that I can’t control it. I spent the majority of my life trying desperately to control everything in it. I wanted life to be predictable and – above all – peaceful. The problem has been what I tried to control and how I’d gone about it. I spent many, many years trying to control the people and situations around me through careful, strategic use of my own words, actions (or lack thereof), and responses. It was exhausting and depressing. And as you can imagine, it never really worked. […]

Death of a Child, Death of a Parent, Your Grief

Finding Your ‘Essential Self’ after a Loss or Life-Changing Event

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Yesterday, I finished reading “Finding Your Own North Star” by therapist Martha Beck, PhD. I bought the book because it looked empowering and this proved to be true. In fact, the entire book is about personal empowerment and building a new life after a “cataclysmic event.” During this time we are stressed and have to let go. If you identified yourself with your job and lose it, Beck explains, your identity shifts. According to Beck, each person’s essential self is determined before birth. As she writes, “You are designed with the ability to find the life you were meant to […]