Death of a Spouse, Your Grief

Recovery in Pieces

Thursday, October 31, 2019

It’s been many years, many miles, and many tears since the early, raw days of being widowed. The life I am living now is one I would never have recognized as mine when I walked down the aisle to take the hand of my soon to be husband. And, yet, it is of my own making. Completely designed and created by me with an incredible amount of effort, courage, and support from people who love me. Pieces from the Past Bits and pieces of the past are peppered throughout the life I am living without Gary. His artwork, a painting […]

Death of a Spouse

The Stories We Tell Ourselves

Wednesday, July 31, 2019

Telling-Your-Child-About-a-Death

What is the story you tell yourself about your loss? Even as a child, I understood the power of stories. Through words, I could escape into worlds far, far away. Between the covers of books, I could find characters I could relate to when I felt misunderstood. Stories gave me comfort, sparked my imagination, and made me curious about people and places outside of my own environment. Storytelling has been a part of the human experience since our early days. History is built around the word. Stories are how we pass down knowledge and information to future generations. They are […]

Death of a Spouse

Being Exquisitely Seen

Wednesday, May 29, 2019

Books Saved Me I’ve been a lover of words and books and writers since childhood. I treasure the way we can be educated, transported, and transformed through what we read and the stories we share. Every so often, I hear a phrase strung together, like pearls on a string, that resonates deeply in my soul. How a phrase lands can be as breathtaking as the most beautiful view from a mountaintop. During difficult times, I’ve often turned to books for comfort, wisdom, and to feel less alone in my struggles. The author that saved me from my grief was Viktor […]

Open to Hope

Turning Less Into More

Wednesday, May 15, 2019

Well, that was unexpected. It seems, even when dozens and dozens of years have passed, grief, and what triggers it, can still surprise me. I’m writing this on Mother’s Day. I’ve been motherless since I was seventeen years old. It was a quiet day today in my neighborhood. As I stood in silence, watering some succulents that seemed a little thirsty, two women walked by, each carrying a single rose and holding hands with a boy and a girl. “Ah, a Happy Mother’s Day must be in order here for both of you,” I said. I like to engage with […]

Death of a Spouse

Grief Through the Rearview Mirror

Sunday, April 7, 2019

This big, horrible thing happens. You lose the person with whom you chose to partner for the challenging, amazing, and, sometimes, scary thing called life. Each of us has our own unique experiences of the grieving process. Yet, it’s normal to feel like you have no idea how you’ll go on without them. Whether I like it or not, nearly twenty years after my husband’s death, I am living and breathing without him. I couldn’t imagine in the early days of losing him I would eventually have a life I could love again. It wasn’t easy. I needed to do […]

Open to Hope

Pieces of You

Monday, June 25, 2018

Today, I gave away another piece of you. A piece that’s traveled with me for thousands of miles back and forth between Los Angeles and Canada and other places. A piece that’s been with me for 17 years. In the days, months, and years since your passing, I’ve let go of small and big parts of you and of us. In the early days, I tore through the house, purging it of any sign of your illness. Perhaps I was trying to get us back to the time before your diagnosis when all was well…when you were well. Weeks into […]

Death of a Spouse

Every Single Breath

Monday, May 7, 2018

The 17th anniversary of my husband’s passing was on my mind in the days leading up to it. Some years, it slipped by me without much notice. Other years, the day brought me to my knees and threatened to be the undoing of me. Grief is like that. This year, I saw it coming. Ticking and tocking it’s way ever closer. How do I want to honor my late husband this year? This is the question I often ask myself. But this year, a dear friend had a different question for me. “What’s one cherished moment you’d like to share […]

Open to Hope

Death of Husband Led Her to Stop Fearing Life

Wednesday, February 7, 2018

The word “fear”. Take a moment to think about what fear means to you. To me, the word brings up a million different images. To most, it means that they are afraid of something: afraid to speak in public, or scared and nervous to try something new, which is often actually a fear of failure. To me, fear means that I am not stepping outside of my comfort zone and I am not taking healthy chances. All changes, all goals and all life choices are the result of looking fear in the face. Fear causes people not to live. That […]

Death of a Spouse

My Second Chapter: Life, Marriage, Family

Wednesday, January 4, 2017

Many people ask me, What’s it really like being re-married? My widow(er) friends want to know if I’m as happy as I was in my first marriage, if I compare my two husbands, why I’d risk being a widow again, and most importantly, if my new husband is understanding. Can you talk about James with him? Is he jealous? My other, non-widow, friends want to know if I’m happy and if I ever think about James anymore (that is, the friends who aren’t uncomfortable acknowledging his death).  If we throw my writing into the conversation: Do you think your articles about James […]

Death of a Spouse, Special Topics

‘Lonely’ Not Powerful Enough Word to Describe Widowhood

Thursday, July 16, 2015

The Word ‘Lonely’ Not Strong Enough Loneliness in widowhood is not surprising.  I mean, even for the people who have never been through it, the loneliness of widows is a no-brainer.  But frankly, I think that lonely is not a strong enough word. There is a deep silence that comes with losing your spouse.  And it doesn’t matter if you’re standing in the middle of a crowded room; you will still notice it.  It’s the quiet that comes when you don’t have that familiar voice whispering in your ear at a wedding, “Can you believe she wore that?  I mean, what […]