Complicated Grief, Death of a Parent

Grieving the Loss of a Narcissist or Sociopath

Monday, August 19, 2024

Grieving the Loss of a Narcissist As if grieving a loved one isn’t enough, it can become exponentially more complex when we lose someone in our lives that was narcissistic or sociopathic. In so many cultures we are vehemently taught not to speak ill of the dead. It is a lovely and loving custom, but what if the deceased spoke ill of you or was abusive to you in any way. Grieving the loss of a narcissist takes skill. This is a particularly difficult dynamic if the loss was a parent. You feel forced to go through the stages of […]

Death of a Child

Angry At a God I Didn’t Even Know

Thursday, November 9, 2023

Angry at God Bereaved parents become experts on all things grief soon after the death of a child. We research. We read articles, talk to doctors and therapists. And we constantly self-assess, trying to figure out which of the five stages of grief we are in and how long before we get to the next one. We find facebook groups with other suffering parents and silently compare pain, wondering to ourselves, “Am I that bad?” or “How can she be doing that well so soon?” We gather information from all kinds of sources, desperately trying to piece together a new […]

Bereavement

Grief Has Many Emotions

Monday, August 28, 2023

Grief Has Many Emotions With my mother gone and my father gone, I often felt abandoned. I’d look around and notice other families. Families that seemed happy. But seeing them it felt like I was like rubbing salt in my open wound. I’m sure there were other families who had lost loved ones, but my pain kept me focused on me, not on them. Besides, feelings rarely care about what’s true. I can’t hear someone else’s pain while mine shouts. Anger coats my sadness. I have a hardness forming around my heart. Anger I’ll have to work through. And even […]

Open to Hope

Sadness After Sibling Loss

Sunday, April 2, 2023

Sadness After Sibling Loss When a loved one dies, everyone expects the family to experience sadness. Sadness has become a synonym for grief, but the truth is, grief is usually comprised of many mixed emotions. The most prevalent of these are the aforementioned guilt and anger. One of the reasons these two become so strong is due to our society’s labeling of these as “bad” emotions. It is acceptable to be heartbroken that your sibling is gone, but if a child makes statements related to self-centeredness or resentment, he or she is made to feel guilty. Even unhappiness can become […]

Bereavement, Death of a Sibling

Anger after a Sibling Loss

Wednesday, March 29, 2023

Anger after a Sibling Loss When a child loses a  sibling, the surviving child may be overwhelmed by anger. As with guilt, anger can be conscious or unconscious and is evident in thoughts like the following: I am mad at my sibling for messing up my life. My parents should have protected my brother. My mom and dad should  be there for me. God shouldn’t have let this happen to my family. The doctors and nurses weren’t good enough to fix my sister. My friends don’t understand and aren’t there for me. My family should have included me more in […]

Bereavement, Death of a Child

Month Five Worse Than First One

Friday, September 30, 2022

Month Five is Worst I’m sure there is a book somewhere that says Month Five after the death of a child is worse than Month One. I’m also sure reading it wouldn’t make any difference. This week, I have turned into a hateful angry person. I have blown up at home multiple times. Everything my wife Heather says hits me wrong. I’m embarrassed that my kids have seen me this way. Not to mention Heather, and probably some neighbors. I feel myself becoming someone I don’t respect. It feels like there is nothing I can do about it, just like […]

Other Losses, Your Grief

Uvalde Murders Trigger Grief

Monday, June 27, 2022

Uvalde Murders Trigger Grief Ever since our daughter died in 2005, I have experienced heartbreak each time I learn of other children who have died.  My own awareness of the depth and breadth of grief links me to each person who has lost a child, whether that child is a policeman, a soldier, or an 8-year-old.  I now know that grief is a wound that takes years to heal. The senseless killing of the children in Ulvade brings out the motherhood of all human beings. These murders trigger grief for so many. We want to cradle the children and hug […]

Bereavement, Death of a Spouse

Widows Wonder: Where Was God When I Needed Him?

Saturday, November 27, 2021

My friend Margie asked me one day if I was angry with God over my husband Dale’s death. Sad? Yes. Angry? No. It made me think, though. I’ve talked to many people who are angry with God over many things—not just the loss of their spouse. Books have been written about it. Sermons have been delivered. Debates have raged. So, what if you are one of the angry people? How do you deal with this crushing loss without letting your anger destroy your faith? It’s totally okay to be angry with God. He can take it. Even Jesus displayed anger […]

Complicated Grief

Targets of Anger during Bereavement

Friday, October 16, 2020

This is an excerpt from the book: Understanding Anger during Bereavement by Bob Baugher, Carol Hankins & Gary Hankins. You can order it at: www.bobbaugher.com Targets of Anger during Bereavement  Oneself When bereaved, one of the easiest targets for anger is oneself.  See if any of the following types of self-directed anger relate to you: Not living up to expectations Part of being human is having expectations of yourself.  Translated into self-talk, it often includes the words “should,” “must,” “have to,” and “need to.”  During bereavement, it can sound like this: “I must be strong, I must do this right, I […]

Death of a Sibling

Excerpt from ROCK ON: Losing Anger

Saturday, September 19, 2020

This is an excerpt from Rock On: Mining for Joy in the Deep River of Sibling Grief, which is available https://www.amazon.com/Rock-Mining-River-Sibling-Grief/dp/1732888892/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2V353DVSRK5ZL&keywords=rock+on+mining+for+joy+in+the+deep+river+of+grief&qid=1576002958&sprefix=Rock+On%3A+Mining+for+%2Caps%2C155&sr=8-1 Chapter 8: Losing Anger Jeneen Gallagher: interviewed in June 2015, Florida Ryan Gill: 7/25/79-3/30/13 Cause of death: Murder On a sun-drenched Saturday in Boynton Beach, Florida, thirty-three-year-old Ryan—a redheaded, blue-eyed ‘gentle giant’—had a bounce in his step as he finished his shift at a local restaurant. He popped into his apartment for a quick shower and a change of clothes and headed to the bar across the street to meet his co-worker for a bachelorette party. The bar was […]